


In a New Light

by fanficfantasy



Category: Arctic Monkeys
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 00:51:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 38,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1725137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficfantasy/pseuds/fanficfantasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt moves out leaving Alex alone in the house they once shared. Alex seeks help from young painter Eliza to brighten up his newly spare room. They're both laid back and do their own thing so maybe they can do their own thing together some day. The pair experience romance in the modern world where saying how you really feel is the taboo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> first Alex Turner fanfic, new to the site aswell so be kind:)  
> starts off slow, not entirely sure where it's going although I have a few ideas. Huge fan of Arctic Monkeys so hope I don't disappoint. Not chaptered per say but will have several parts as I update.

0114\. Alex was a Sheffield lad - through and through. Part of his charm was his sheer lack of finesse. The fame that music had brought him had not changed him but perhaps personified his original air of arrogance. Alex wasn't an arrogant man however, he merely carried himself that way in order to gain a reaction from people. Which he did. He liked smoking and drinking and bowing his head to mismatched songs in nightclubs. He liked to roll out of said clubs at 3 in the morning, waving facetiously at the paparazzi as he staggered between cars, drunkenly trying to locate his taxi. Matt was never far behind him, the other two band members most probably sitting happily at home with their better halves. Alex tried not to dwell on the nights they missed, accepting that the party lifestyle had worn off for them and that Matt and himself would have to enjoy it alone. They would both fall into the house they shared a little after 4, one being sick, the other gulping animalistically from the kitchen tap. They would alternate these roles depending on the poison of choice. The following morning they would wake up face down on the living room floor, grinning into a mouthful of carpet as they remembered the previous night's endeavours.

Eliza grew up in London. She attended a straight-laced private school throughout her teens, receiving many letters home for poor dress code or extreme haircuts. Her parents scowled at the comments about her hair as the most she ever did was shave a little strip off the side, with permission, to see if it would suit her. It didn't. She liked to read and paint and smoke at parties. She lost touch with most of her friends from school, delving into the underworld of suburbia. She worked at an art studio where she would occasionally be commissioned to design a centre piece for an old town and other times manage to sell her own pieces. She earned enough to maintain a two bedroom flat with a huge window for a wall on one side of her room, a place where, at night, her inspiration would arrive.

The two worlds collided a little after Matt announced he was moving out. His relationship with Libby had moved to the next level, he said, and he wanted to settle down. Alex let him go but he wasn't at all happy about it. It almost annoyed him that he could afford the house on his own because it meant that he had no real objection to the move. He sighed and huffed and puffed and sent Matt picture after picture of his pouting face to express the sudden emptiness of the house. Alex stared into the, now, spare room, biting his lip as he tried to pinpoint what it was that was missing. He concluded it was Matt and began searching the internet for a second option.

After reading blogpost after opinionated blogpost on fen shui and "brightening up the dullest of rooms" Alex decided that he was going to purchase a painting. He asked around and did his research before settling on a company called 'Eliza DooDles'. He chose it because the samples he had been shown were impressive, and because the homage to Doctor Doolittle made him laugh. He arranged a meeting with 'Eliza' for a few weeks into the future and turned his attention to what he actually wanted in his painting. Eliza's portraits were incredible, every line of her subjects' face filled with a thick layer of oil paint. He wondered if it would be too narcissistic to ask her to paint him. He then pondered a portrait of Matt as that was the main feature missing, although perhaps it would make it seem like his friend had died and he was compiling a shrine. He considered a portrait of both of them or maybe just a landscape. He drew a blank and changed the meeting's location to his own house, deciding that if anyone would know what he should have painted for the room it was be the artist.

Eliza arrived at her first private clientele gig, parking her electric blue mini cautiously on their pebbled drive. Janet, her snappy secretary, had told her next to nothing about this job, merely divulging that the guy wanted a painting of something - anything - for his spare bedroom. She checked herself in her pocket mirror before gathering up her sketch pad and pencil and starting towards the front door. She knocked and waited, tapping her fingers on the pad's coarse front cover, wishing her nail polish wasn't as chipped as it suddenly appeared to be.

The door opened and she looked up, thrusting her hand out to the stranger.

"Hi, I'm Eliza, the painter."

They shook hands.

"I'm Alex, come in."

Alex led the painter up to the spare room, glaring at the blank walls with a misplaced sense of malice.

"So...any ideas on what you want?" Eliza asked, her pencil poised.

"I honestly don't know love," Alex scratched the back of his head"I did think of a portrait but do I really need to look at my face with my own face?"

Eliza snorted, muffling her laughter with her sketchpad.

Alex smiled shyly, not entirely meaning to be funny in that moment.

"I...personally I would enjoy painting you," Eliza shrugged, scribbling down the idea. "I could paint one of you and one of your friend and you could mount them side by side...or even on opposite walls?"

Alex thought for a moment before nodding.

"You'd have to come to the studio and sit for a while so I can...study...you," She searched for lament terms. "I don't know if your schedule allows that."

"It'll be fine." Alex shook his head. "Think I'd like to go first, you know, before you paint Matt."

"Whatever you want." Eliza shrugged.

She made some measurements to help decide what canvas to use before she was led back down stairs. She stayed at Alex's house for a little over an hour, enjoying the coffee he had offered, asking him questions about his life in the hopes it would give her some kind of inspiration for the commission. They arranged a loose schedule for sit-in sessions and she left, a job well done in her eyes.

 

The first session fell on a Tuesday. Eliza sat patiently in the corner of the studio, staring at a blank canvas and an empty seat opposite her.

"Don't make this place easy to find, do ya?" Alex crashed into the room 30 minutes late, a coffee in each hand.

"It's not exactly hidden." She gestured to the open plan windows, stifling a smirk.

He handed her a coffee, slumping down in his designated chair, sipping his own. He shrugged his jacket off, straightening out his plain white t-shirt and glancing briefly at his watch.

"Didn't mean to be late.' He muttered.

Eliza began by sketching an outline of Alex's face. Compliments fell from her mouth, comments about his eyes and hair fumbling from her lips as she took in each detail. Alex blushed, coughing the redness away and thanking her. To Eliza, this wasn't awkward. She ended up complimenting everyone she drew as their innate uniqueness would become apparent to her at some point during the portrait process.

They took a break half way through his quiff. Eliza went out to grab sandwiches and drinks as Alex sat obediently in his chair, eyes down on his phone, exchanging the odd word with the secretary who passed through every 15 minutes or so. When Eliza returned Alex had completed 10 levels of some addictive game on his phone and was edgy.

"Can I smoke in here?" He raised an eyebrow as he finished his sandwich.

"Um yeah, I was smoking when you came in." Eliza lifted the ash tray from the table behind her and positioned it between them.

"Oh, never noticed." Alex shrugged fishing through his jacket pockets for a cigarette.

He found one and lit up, turning to face the artist who had already done the same.

Before he could leave Eliza insisted on taking some polaroids of his exact position in order to plan or next week's session. She snapped a few different expressions, undecided on vacant or a wide smile. Alex supplied both gladly.

Eliza thought about Alex that night. She sat on her worn balcony and smoked, flicking through the polaroids of her client. His eyes were huge, capturing his face in an awe of shiny brown iris', his pupils blown. His eyebrows were strong and straight, raising far up his forehead when he smiled. His cheeks bulged and crinkled, making him appear to be in hysterical laughter in most of the pictures. His quiff was slick and the darkest brown. Eliza thought about how he kept pausing her sketch to comb the sides, wiping the gelled comb on his trousers leg before nodding at her to continue. His legs were skinny, as seemed the rest of his body, apart from his arms that harboured slight muscles. He was unusually good looking which made Eliza so desperate to create his portrait. She knew she would enjoy capturing the details of his image, plus it didn't hurt to have a nice view.

 

In the next session Eliza decided on a wide smile. She told her best - or arguably worst - jokes in an attempt to recreate the grin until she could capture it on the page. Alex laughed along, smoking in between her attempts. She worked on base colours next, clicking her fingers when she needed to see the smile again. 

"So," Alex interrupted the silence between them. "Tell me a bit about ya." 

"Hm?" Eliza frowned. 

"You don't say much." He shrugged. 

Eliza smirked, licking her lips in preparation of her tirade. "My name's Eliza Doon. I'm 24 years old and grew up in Cambridge. I live alone. I'm an artist and have worked here for 3 years last December. Portraits are my favourite thing to paint." She paused, tacking a drag of the cigarette poised in the ash tray. "Happy?" 

"Cheeky bugger, you are." Alex rolled his eyes. 

"What about you hot shot?" Eliza laughed, dabbing at the off-white paint smeared on her palette with a touch of pale pink. 

"26 from Sheffield." 

"That's it?" She raised an eyebrow. 

"What else is there?" 

Eliza laughed at his incredulous expression. 

"Ok, I live alone, now, as ya know. Don't have a bird at the moment. I'm in a band. I smoke. I drink. That's about it." 

"You should write books." She teased, snorting. 

"Hey, respect your elders!" Alex warned. 

"The two years makes all the difference right?" She raised an amused eyebrow. 

"Of course love." He grinned, flicking ash onto his knee absentmindedly. 

Alex thought about Eliza that night. He laid in bed, his eyes trying to focus on the cream swirls on the ceiling, despite the misty darkness surrounding him. He thought about the painter's mouth first. Her lips were big and pouty and a deep maroon colour naturally. Next was her pale skin, making her emerald green eyes stand out even more. Her hair was cut short and brown, a full fringe parted in the middle residing over her forehead. Her stature was petite however Alex suspected she was hiding a nice pair of boobs under her baggy vests and t-shirts. He wondered what she would look like dressed up for a night out. And maybe what she would look like out of clothes all together. He rolled his eyes as his body began to react to the idea. It had been a long time since Alex'd had someone, sexually or otherwise. Perhaps too long. 

The last session consisted on finishing touches and a background. Alex was amazed at the outcome. It...looked like him. In his opinion it made him look way better than he ever had but he decided he would take the compliment graciously. He paid Eliza, throwing in a little extra to express how much he truly loved the painting. She blushed, thanking him. They arranged a time for him to pick up the painting. 

In the end Alex had to give the painter a photograph of Matt as moving in with Libby had left him with less than a second of spare time. He borrowed her camera, snapped a few of different expressions, and brought it all back the following week. She insisted it was easily done and not to worry. He smiled and thanked her, saying he'd call in soon and catch up on how it was going. She nodded. 

Eliza finished the painting of Matt two nights later, working relentlessly to get it just right. She felt a duty to get it right for Alex, especially considering he had enjoyed his own so much. The drummer seemed to have less detail about his face which made life easier, although his spiky yet flat hair quickly became the bane of Eliza's life. She finished and sent Alex a haphazard text at half 3 in the morning before falling asleep at the easel. 

BUZZ.BUZZ.BUZZ. 

"Hello?" 

"Hiya, ya know I said I could come and get the painting today?" Alex's northern droll cringed at his own enquiry. 

"Uh, yeah?" 

"I have to stay in to wait for a package - my mother's birthday present - so I can't." 

"Right." Eliza paused, recognising the tone of his voice from others before him. "What are you asking me?" 

"Well I really want it today." She heard his grin. "Don't suppose you could deliver it to me...I'll pay extra," 

Eliza looked around the empty studio before sighing. "Yeah sure." She shrugged. "You don't have to pay more, I'm not busy or anything." 

"Sure, whatever." 

"So...now?" 

"Anytime. Now's good if you want though?" 

"On my way." She hung up, searching through the log book for his address before piling into her car, the painting in the passenger seat. 

KNOCK. KNOCK.

Eliza thrust the painting into Alex's hands as soon as the door opened. He led her excitedly into the living room, setting it down on the coffee table and removing it's cover. 

"Eliza...that's amazing." Alex covered his mouth, staring at what seemed to be a reflection of his friend. 

"Yeah?" The painter grinned, noting that she enjoyed the way he said her name. 

"I don't know how you do it!" He shook his head, picking the canvas up so carefully as if it was a baby. 

Eliza followed him upstairs, into the spare room. She smiled as he hung it up on the wall opposite to his own. She was kind of proud of her work, especially how happy it seemed to make this man. 

"The room definitely feels better now." Alex nodded to himself. 

"I'm glad." Eliza assured. 

They went back downstairs and Alex paid her, adding a larger tip than before, uncharacteristically gushing about how much he truly loved her work. Alex wanted to ask her to stay for coffee because she interested him in a different way to most but he knew he had a meeting in half an hour's time. So he told her to text him some time, to 'talk'. Eliza gave him a slight frown before saying "okay" and leaving.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things will become more interesting in the next part, just trying to establish the characters before I get into the main story ygm

Alex decided the newly spare room was still too empty. He called Eliza at one o'clock in the morning as he was stumbling out of a night club, words lined with drunken excitement as he sold her the idea of musical notes swirling across the walls as, after all, it was going to become his study/music room. She groaned at the verbal intrusion, saying she'd call him when she had slept. He sighed, declaring her weak before hanging up and falling, head first, into his taxi.

They chose the opening bars of Arabella. Alex sent over a copy of the new album and waited impatiently for Eliza to email him her favourite. The email turned into a phone call as she almost gushed about how good his music was. She had never really given Arctic Monkeys much attention, only having heard the radio's favourites, so she was more than impressed by Alex's apparent depth. Alex liked that she liked it. It made him feel less of a fool for adoring her artwork and telling her so. He was considering hiring her to do the next album's artwork but decided not to drop that bombshell just yet. 

Summer hit them heavy that year. It peaked on an early thursday morning when Eliza was due to sketch out the opening bars on Alex's walls. She turned up to the gated house just before 11 o'clock dressed in vintage looking high-waisted shorts and a paint stained crop top. Her short crop of hair was scraped back into a tiny bin on the top of her head, stray wisps of curls hanging down. What caught Alex's attention however was the white and palest blue detailed dove tattooed onto her left thigh. He had stared in fact. Eliza told him that she would always paint it on skin when she was bored, so much so that her sister, the tattoo artist, tattooed over it one day. She shrugged at his compliments saying she had one on her ribs and ankles, making no attempt to show them to him. 

Eliza began sketching out the design, Alex's rough sketch clutched in her hand. She was aware of his eyes boring into her back as he leant against the opposite wall, humming quietly. He opened the window a few moments later, complaining about the heat and offering the painter a drink. She shrugged and he disappeared downstairs. Eliza made her way across the wall, just breaching the first corner when Alex returned with two cans of ice cold lemonade. He mumbled something about sitting in the garden and Eliza smiled in acknowledgement. 

Gradually she made her way around to the last wall. She glanced out of the window, peering out into the back garden where Alex sat neatly on the grass. He was wearing a loose fitting vest, his legs crossed as he smoked, flicking through a tattered book. She smirked, briefly admiring his slightly muscled arms before returning to her sketch. The next time she looked, Alex had adorned a pair of black shades and changed into a pair of black denim shorts. He glanced up and caught her eye, mouthing something. Eliza laughed, frowning and doing an over exaggerated shrug so he knew she didn't know what he meant. He rolled his eyes, pointing upwards to signify that he was going to come up to her.

"I said-" he panted, arriving at the door frame a moment later. "Are you finished?"

"Oh." Eliza paused her lips, taking her pencil away from the wall and straightening up. "Yeah, I think so."

"It looks...cool," Alex's eyes scanned over the light blue walls covered in pencil drawings. "Are you going to paint today or?"

"Um, I could start now and come back tomorrow?"

"If you want, you deserve a break first though." Alex insisted, picking up her empty lemonade can and gesturing for Eliza to follow him.

He led her through the kitchen, grabbing two more cans of lemonade, and then strolling into the back garden. The pair settled under the blossom tree at the back of the yard and Eliza couldn't help but glance at the tattered book she had seen from the window.

"You're reading 'To Kill A Mockingbird'?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah." Alex nodded, a slight grin playing on his lips. "Matt found his copy from school and asked me if I remembered reading it and I did. I remembered how much I enjoyed it actually so I just thought...why not relive it?"

"Insightful." Eliza said, after a long pause.

"It's right good." He nodded. "Atticus speaks to me ya know?"

Eliza grinned, nodding like he had.

"Got any gigs coming up?" She raised an eyebrow a few moments later.

"We're doing two nights at Finsbury Park in 2 months." He gulped for effect, making the painter giggle. "Why?"

"Would be interested in seeing you guys live." She shrugged. "Like what I heard."

"That's sweet, I can hook you up with tickets if ya want?"

"Instead of paying me?" Eliza offered.

"No." Alex laughed. "I'll give you tickets for free, it's no biggie."

"Yeah but don't people pay loads for your shows, would feel bad just-"

"I insist. If you want tickets you can have them, they give us a few to give away anyway, ya know for family and that, you can be my guest." He smiled, heaving himself up as he drained his can.

Eliza followed him back into the house. 

"If you're sure," she bit her lip as he faced her in the kitchen. 

"Don't mention it," he shook his head, scribbling it down on a notepad from on top of the fridge. "Two yeah? Or do you want to bring more people?"

"Uh, no two is fine, not sure who I'd even bring."

"If you can't find anyone you can just watch in the wings, either way."

Eliza shook her head incredulously. "You're really generous, do you know that?"

"Not particularly, I'm not putting myself out or anything."

"Well whatever, thank you dude, thanks a lot." She shot him her best grin before returning to her work, blocking out the basic colours on her top, testing them out before applying them to the walls.

Eliza unexpectedly found herself at Glastonbury a month or so after she finished Alex's paint job. Her sister - Carmen - had presented her with tickets as an early birthday present, insisting that she'd love it when she started to protest. She had no idea who was playing or if they'd even be her kind of thing. Eliza liked old music like Johnny Cash and The Beatles and The Smiths' early stuff so she doubted any of it would be of her taste. Nevertheless she went along with it because the tickets would have been expensive and she could see how much Carmen wanted to go.

In the end their group consisted of Eliza, Carmen, Big Dave and Anthony aka 'the one with the handle bar moustache'. Big Dave was a huge man - in muscle and height - covered in tattoos with one hell of a beard. Carmen had dated him on and off and Eliza had painted a burning eagle on the front of his camper van last summer, and over that they had bonded. Anthony was short and slender and dressed like a 1920s gentleman. Eliza had met him initially when studying art at college and then got to know him better when he offered to help her move into and paint her apartment. Carmen was covered in tattoos also, mostly on her arms, ankles and one on her neck. She was 32 years old and lived in Norwich with her metal guitarist boyfriend and two cats. The sisters had always been close despite the age gap because they were both odd in one way or another so they bonded on their differences.

They arrived, and planned to stay in Big Dave's camper van, parking it behind the tents where their permit instructed. It was kind of a squeeze to fit them all in, although somewhat roomier when Dave decided he would sleep in the front to 'protect his baby'. Anthony laid out his sleeping bag between the two girls, reassuring them he was as gay as God intended. 

The quartet explored the festival, going on random children's rides and pushing each other into the mud. They stayed around for some of the music, mainly watching people at the smallest stage as the acts seemed so humble in their amateurism. 

The second day, consequently the last, they watched more of the main performances. Eliza had to admit she kind if enjoyed it, chart music wasn't as bad as she had anticipated. She sat on Big Dave's shoulders, holding onto his head for dear life when he swayed in time to the music or attempted a miniature head bang. Somewhere along the way they lost Anthony to a group of gay men from America. At first they had been all dancing together but then slowly but surely Anthony drifted away before announcing he was going back to their tent for a little party. Carmen shot him a look and he just smiled angelically. 

Somehow they made it to the barrier for the last act. They'd just been jumping through the crowd to a dubstep warm up act and hit the metal railings. They were squashed at the side so couldn't see that much, but had a perfect view of the big screens, and the little pathway that let up to the stage.

"Is one of you Eliza?" A burly looking security guard tapped Carmen in the arm, looking between the two girls.

"Uh, me," Eliza put her hand up, raising an eyebrow.

"Can you just hop over the barrier for a second please ma'am." The guy gestured for her to let him more or less lift her.

She glanced between her friends before complying sceptically. 

The security guard led her down the side of the crowd and behind a massive black curtain. He showed his pass to another set of intimidating guys before bringing her parallel to her place at the barrier but behind a curtain.

"Thought it was you." Alex appeared, sporting a goofy grin.

The security guard stood back.

"What are you doing here?" Eliza frowned, her eyes glancing to the three men in the distance, one she recognised as Matt.

"We're on next." He chuckled. "Did ya not know?"

"No clue." She shook her head. "My sister wanted to come to the festival I just came along for he ride, I know nothing!"

"I haven't got long," his tone lowered. "Watch the set yeah, and then come round here tonight...for a drink or something...bring whoever you're with." He handed her four VIP passes from his pocket.

"What?" She stared.

"It'll be a laugh, I promise." He turned and walked away and Eliza was swiftly shown back to her place in the crowd, lifted over once again. 

She explained to her sister and Dave and they squealed, clapping at the prospect of a party. The three of them jumped extra hard to Alex's set. It was weird to see him so arrogant, Eliza thought. He was cool in his nature, but on stage he was ice. He glanced over at her and smirked when he smoked, smoothing back his quiff. When he ditched his guitar he sang to her side of the crowd, swaying his hips, hips that Eliza had never noticed before. He threw a pick at her when their time had ended and she dropped it into her shorts pocket, intending on returning it later on.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone is even reading these then thanks lmao

At around 10 o'clock that night Eliza found herself showing a VIP pass to a familiar security guard and being shown towards a massive cluster of trailers. Carmen, Anthony and Big Dave disappeared immediately, charging towards the tent at the back, pink lights projecting through the thin material.

Eliza hung back, looking around the secluded area. It wasn't really what she expected. She thought that the celebrities would have some kind of massive chalet type building build for them, not trailers and marquees. She turned her back on the tent, staring up at the sky, wishing she had her polaroid camera on her to capture the stars that had surfaced that night. 

She felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Why didn't you come in?"

Eliza jumped, spinning to face her attacker.

"Alex what the fuck?" She glared, smiling slightly because he was the one that got her the pass after all.

"Why are you standing out here?" He cocked his head, his expressions hidden by his black shades.

He was dressed all in black, his skin pale in comparison. His jeans clung to his legs and his jacket clung to his arms, both creating a trim silhouette of his figure. He looked cool. Probably beyond cool but Eliza was too caught up in the night sky to give it much thought. 

"I was just looking at the stars like the cliche that I am." Eliza rolled her eyes, walking towards Alex.

He chuckled for a moment before leading her to the party.

The marquee was crammed with musical stars and radio presenters that Eliza barely recognised. She was dragged into the middle of the dance floor immediately by Carmen, leaving Alex to watch and wonder how he had lost his guest so soon.

The thing was, Alex didn't usually invite guests to after parties. Usually he just got drunk with his band mates and awkwardly met other celebrities. But here he was, sitting in the corner, swigging a beer and watching Eliza drunkenly swaying with her friends and a rather suspect looking member of a boy band he resented. Eliza made her way over to him once more to take a sip of her beer. She slumped down next to him, sighing before pushing her face into the crook of his neck. Alex suppressed a gasp as her wet lips patted against his skin as she giggled in a drunken haze. It was obvious this was an uncalculated gesture and entirely platonic but it had been so long since Alex had experienced a pair of lips at his neck, so long that he had forgotten how hot and bothered it made him. Eliza's head rolled off of his shoulder a moment later as she rubbed her eyes, draining the last of her beer and eyeing up Alex's. 

"Eliza, you're so fucking pissed, you realise that right?" Alex chuckled as the painter attempted to text her mother to update her on how things were going.

"Can...can you..." She thrust the phone towards him, "text my mum please..."

Alex took the phone from her, glancing over for some kind of direction of what to write.

"Okay," she held up a finger, swallowing as if she was gathering her thoughts. "Hi mum...I'm fine...Glasto is good, Carmen is fine, caught Big Dave wanking last night, love you."

"Are you sure you want-"

"Yes." Eliza answered with such a incredulous expression that Alex could not contain his laugh.

He sent the text, minus the wanking story, and handed the phone back.

"Thanks...Alex." She narrowed her eyes at him as if she was suddenly suspicious to whether or not that was his real name.

Alex nodded slowly, both confused and amused by her behaviour. 

A few minutes after midnight Eliza passed out. Her friends continued to party and Carmen seemed more than happy for Alex to take care of her sister. 

"Couldn't she just lay down in your trailer or something pal?" 

"Uh I guess, but-"

"Brilliant!" Carmen, the leggy, and somewhat scary, blonde disappeared the moment that the words left her mouth.

Alex sighed, awkwardly gathering Eliza up into a princess carry and stumbling towards the trailer he shared with Matt. He backed up the three short steps and into his bedroom end. He laid Eliza on the bed and fought to pull her shoes off. He threw a blanket over her as she was already laying on top of the duvet, and fetched a glass of water to put on the table beside the bed. He looked down at the bizarre scene in front of him and shook his head, laughing to himself before staggering back to the party.

***  
Eliza woke up with a pounding headache, laying awkwardly in a foreign bed. She sat up, both hands gripping her head as she studied her surroundings. Her expression froze when her eyes fell on Alex, laying upside down on the bed so his suede boots were against her shoulder. Eliza stretched out her arms, groaning at the click from each elbow. Alex groaned and coughed a second later making her jump.

"Morning?" The hungover painter cringed as Alex's eyes met hers.

"What the fu-" he frowned, scratching his fingers through his static bed hair. "Oh yeah, I brought you back,"

"Wait what?" Eliza's eyes widened.

"Love, chill out," Alex rolled his eyes, falling off the bed with a crash. "You were drunk - passed out - and your sister told me to find ya somewhere to lay down."

"Why are you in bed as well then?"

"This is my bed." Alex reminded, heaving himself up form the floor and kicking off his shoes. "Do you want coffee or something?"

"I don't know...shouldn't I go back to the van?"

"If ya want." He shrugged. 

Eliza searched through her pockets before fishing out her phone. She groaned when she read through the capitalised texts from her friends. She hit call on Carmen's number, biting her lip. 

"Where the fuck are you?!" 

"In Alex's trailer...like you instructed apparently."

"Was expecting you to come back at some point though, we meant to have left an hour ago!"

"Look, I'm sorry, I-"

"We're gonna leave now El, hurry up alright?"

Carmen hung up.

"They're all vexed as hell." Eliza explained to Alex's confused expression. "We're late for leaving now."

There was a long silence.

"I...I could give you a lift if ya want?"

"Huh?"

"We're going to the same place aren't we, might as well if ya friends wanna get on."

So that was it. Alex was going to drive Eliza home. Matt fell into the room a few minutes later, staring at Eliza until he realised she was the painter and thanking her for the painting. 

I suppose the detail that Alex had left out about their ride was that he drove a motorbike. Eliza quickly found herself on the back of a shiny black motorbike wearing a matching helmet to Alex's. At first she sat awkwardly behind him, holding the sides of the bike. Alex laughed, steadying them with a foot on the ground before reaching for her hands and pulling her arms tightly around his waist. Eliza blushed crimson inside the helmet, knotting her fingers loosely in front of him. 

The second the engine revved her grip became tight, the wind assaulting her bare legs. Alex had insisted - almost forced - the painter to wear his leather jacket. He promised she wouldn't fall off or anything it was just that he would feel a lot safer knowing that she had some sort of protection, plus she needed her arms for her job. Eliza had quickly pointed out the bare leg situation and Alex had shrugged, explaining that she'd still be able to paint with no legs.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooo the tension

Eliza invited Alex into her apartment shortly after they reached it. He accepted the invitation and they piled into the lift, laughing about the innuendos graffitied on the metal walls. Alex instantly fell in love with Eliza's home, staring out of the huge windows over the city.

"This must be so amazing at night." He gawped, pressing a finger to the glass.

"It's cool." Eliza shrugged, trudging into the kitchen and filling the kettle, flicking it on. "Tea okay?"

"Um, yes please!" Alex called back, doing a loop around the open plan living room, pausing at the easel next to the window and nosing over Eliza's current project. 

Alex shrugged out of his jacket and kicked off his shoes and made himself at home. They drank tea and discussed art on Eliza's sofa for most of the visit, Alex insisting on perusing her sketch pad and flicking through the canvases that she kept beneath her easel. 

"Love, you're fucking wicked at painting." Alex shook his head, setting the book down on the coffee table. 

"Uh, thanks." Eliza blushed, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I loved your show by the way, you're so great on stage."

"Do ya think?" He grinned.

"Yeah, you've got a really...listenable voice,"

"Is that another word for bearable?" Alex snorted.

"No! I just mean I don't think I could get bored of listening to you." She rolled her eyes.

"That's dead sweet." He winked, draining his mug.

A comfortable silence settled, only to be broken by a crash coming from Eliza's bedroom.

"For fuck's sake." She shot up, sprinting through the apartment, Alex strolling behind her but following nonetheless.

He was quickly met by the sight of a huge grey cat slumped in Eliza's arms looking more than pleased with itself.

"This little shit is Benny." She rolled her eyes. "He jumps off my wardrobe to get my attention and it rocks the whole thing so I'm guessing the shoe boxes at the top fell off."

"He's so cute." Alex ran his fingers through the feline's thick fur earning a loud purr and a wandering paw on his forearm.

"He likes you...that's a first." Eliza raised an eyebrow, cautiously allowing the cat to pour into Alex's arms. "He's heavy...he's persian, very thick set."

"This place is like heaven, I'm moving in, I need this cat." Alex shook his head as they went back into the living room.

"Take him." She laughed."I adopted him from a client cos he looked so sad but he's a menace."

"Shhh!" Alex widened his eyes, covering the cat's ears. "Benny doesn't want to hear such slander."

"Ganging up on me already." Eliza laughed. "For a rock and roll motorcyclist you're a bit of a sap."

"I am aware."

Benny yawned, nuzzling Alex's thigh, looking up at him before closing his eyes, his tail wrapped around his new friend's knee.

"Yeah, you're never going to be able to move now, or he will attack." The host warned. "He doesn't like being woken up."

"I can sit it out." Alex grinned, scratching his long fingers through Benny's fur.

They sat like this for a few hours, watching dvds until it grew dark and Benny shuffled, sliding off their guest's lap and padding into the kitchen. Eliza fed him before passing Alex a lint roller for his newly furry trousers. The pair wheezed with laughter as he de-furred them, tears streaming down their cheeks. 

"I better get going," Alex stretched, slipping his jacket over his shoulders.

"Oh, okay." Eliza forced a slight smile, although she was a little disappointed as she had enjoyed having human company for once. "Thanks for staying for a bit, was fun."

"It was." He flashed her a grin, pulling on his shoes. "Must do it again some time."

Eliza nodded, fetching Benny so the new friends could say a goodbye to each other. Alex laughed at her gesture, scratching the cat on the head and fist bumping his paw. Benny jumped down, shooting off into her bedroom again.

"He doesn't like goodbyes I guess." Eliza laughed.

Alex chuckled, outstretching an arm and pulling Eliza in to a one arm hug, catching her by surprise. She hugged him back, engulfed by his delicious smelling aftershave. He pressed a somewhat chaste kiss to her cheek causing her to blush violently, biting her lip to suppress the grin that was threatening to erupt upon her face.

"I'll see ya later yeah?" Alex all but whispered, keeping his tone low and like liquid gold.

"Uhuh, text me or something." Eliza gulped, holding the door open as he stood the other side, lighting a cigarette before giving her a two finger salute and disappearing down the worn our stairs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex being the keen and needy one is something I can imagine idk like 'probably still adore you with your hands around my neck, or I did last time I checked' think he'd put up with anything if he loved you enough ygm

Alex took to showing up at Eliza's studio unannounced several times in the following weeks. He'd sit and shadow Eliza's work, sipping the coffee he had brought with him. Eliza never questioned his visits to his face but privately they confused her. She mentioned it to Carmen and they both drew a blank. I mean this was what friends did, but not someone like Alex. It seemed so out of character of him that something must have been up.

"Oh, you just caught me leaving." Eliza jumped as she opened the studio door to leave and was greeted by Alex's flushed face.

"Even better, do you wanna come to lunch with me?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Uh, yeah sure." She frowned a little but followed him out to his car (words could not describe how annoyed Eliza had been to learn he had a car as well as a motorbike so she needn't of endured it). 

The pair drove down to a local cafe which was covered with flower baskets and run by a trio of young polish women. Alex chose a table on the little balcony and they sat down, ordering a white wine cocktail and a lemonade.

"Saw myself in a magazine the other day," Eliza sipped at her cocktail. "Apparently we're the real deal."

"Really?" Alex chuckled. "At least they think I have high standards."

"Thanks," Eliza laughed although Alex's compliments had become more frequent and she did want some kind of explanation. 

Alex shrugged and shot her a wink.

"How was the session this morning?" Eliza asked once they had ordered their food - simple sandwiches and salads.

"Good." Alex nodded. "Got a lot done, wrote a new song actually,"

"Will you let me hear it when it's done?" Eliza smiled angelically,

"Of course." 

"Good, otherwise I'll have to stop being your stunt girlfriend." She teased.

Alex laughed silently.

***

So Eliza kind of became Alex's wingman. They went clubbing together and Eliza told pretty girls that Alex was a godsend. It was no ones idea, just a joke that turned semi-beneficial. Alex didn't really want to pull girls though, it wasn't his thing really. In all honesty, part of him wanted to go home with Eliza. They were close friends but he couldn't deny the attraction. He talked to the girls that Eliza chose and they fell for him obviously but he would always manage an excuse and slip away. 

It was worse when Eliza found a guy to talk to. That's when Alex realised he was jealous. He fucking hated the idea of a random guy touching her arm or stroking her cheek. His body would fill with hot bubbling anger as he was forced to maintain a careless grin, gritting his teeth into his beer.

Eliza noticed these mood swings but thought nothing of it really. She figured that if Alex was in any way interested then he would have made a move by now, or at least said something. She was past the stage of deliberating on whether or not she found Alex attractive - of course she did - but not quite at a decision of what to do with this information.

It was on one cold Saturday evening that this was all put to the test. Eliza was held up in a booth wearing a tight black dress with a smart looking 30-something business man. Alex was at the bar, the unlikely union quickly catching his eye. He started sweating, his quiff drooping as he tensed his shoulders, trying to quell the seething jealously in the pit of his stomach. He knocked back his scotch and made his way over to the booth. He cleared his throat as he approached, earning a confused look from Eliza.

"Oh, shit, is this your boyfriend?" The man in the suit's eyes widened, darting between Alex and Eliza as he stood up.

"N-"

"Uhuh. Yep." Alex cut her off, shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to appear more causal and less angry.

"Fuck, sorry man." The guy shimmied out of the booth, holding his hands up as if he was being arrested.

"It's fine, don't let it happen again," Alex playfully punched the stranger's arm, in a way that was hard and hurt but seemed simply as though he didn't know his own strength.

The man disappeared and Eliza swore at Alex as he took his place.

"What the fuck was that? Did I miss the part where we shacked up?" Eliza hissed, swigging her vodka and coke concoction. 

"I didn't like him for you." Alex said simply.

"Of course not." She mumbled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alex became defensive and sharp.

"You're always so prickly when we go clubbing." Eliza rolled her eyes.

"I'm not."

"You're doing it now." She laughed, pushing her hair back. "You scare off any guy that tries to talk to me."

"Not on purpose." Alex lied.

Eliza sighed, gulping the rest of her drink in preparation for her next words.

"Alex, can you just be honest with me?"

"Wha-"

"If there's a reason that you're...prickly...then just tell me,"

"Like what?" Alex shrank down in his seat, his cheeks going pink in the darkness.

"You know what." Eliza whispered.

A silence fell between the pair.

Carefully and slowly Alex's hand crept onto Eliza's right knee. A small smile fell onto her lips as she lolled her head to one side, looking at him.

"Words?" She prompted.

"Wanna see me? Like dates or whatever." Alex mumbled into the back of his hand as the drew the skin of his knuckled into his mouth.

Eliza nodded, biting back a laugh at his almost ashamed facial expression.

Alex sighed, leaving her for a few minutes to get in more drinks. 

The pair got happily drunk, letting the agreement sink in, Alex's arm looped over Eliza's shoulders. They danced badly and jumped on each other's feet, laughing when one of them squealed. Alex pecked Eliza's cheek every now and again, warding off leering eyes and reinforcing his desire to date her. She would smile, brushing her thumb over his chin, furrowing her brow to look deeper into his eyes. Alex would look away first, scratching the back of his neck before swaying his hips to pick up the dancing from where they left off.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda slow still idk don't wanna peak too soon or make this boring 
> 
> feedback??

Three weeks after the night at the club and things were strange. The pair had seen each other a handful of times and not spoken properly in days. Eliza focused on her painting and Alex was kept busy with promotional interviews and studio work. They exchanged texts at night, sending each other ugly selfies, face timing once from unflattering angles. Alex rung up during week three inviting Eliza to a function, as his date. She'd blushed on the other end of the phone, agreeing graciously, instantly worrying about what she would wear.

A dress arrived at her door the day before the event. She took it from the delivery man, frowning. Her name and address were on the item but she was almost positive she wasn't expecting anything. She opened the package carefully, so she'd be able to return it when she was sure, and gasped. Inside she found a flowing champagne pink gown, sleeveless like a prom dress. Her stomach knotted as she found the accompanying black suede cut out heels. The outfit was beyond beautiful but she couldn't work out how it had made it's way to her door. Her hands froze around the cool material when she felt the scratch of paper beneath it.

'I'm creepy I know. Found your sister's number in my phone - think she put it in there at glasto - so she told me your sizes. You don't have to wear it, just wanted to do something nice. Alex xx aka ultimate sap'

Eliza bit back a grin as she read over Alex's artistic scrawl. She thought about texting him a thanks but decided instead not to mention it. She would wear his gifts and let that sight alone do the talking.

 

BUZZ.

Alex: Will pick you up at 7 tomorrow xx 

Eliza: okay, look forward to it xx

5 minutes passed.

Alex: anything exciting happen today?xx

Eliza rolled her eyes.

Eliza: nope, no post no nothing. What have u been up to?xx

Alex narrowed his eyes at the screen, considering whether Eliza didn't receive his gift or if she was just playing with him.

Alex: Oh. Not a lot, lunch with matt and libby, boring couple talk made me eat more than normal so now I'm obese xx

Eliza: wow talk about hot date for tomorrow xx

Alex laughed, shaking his head.

Alex: just trying to make you look better xx 

Eliza: bitch

Alex: <3

Eliza: yeah yeah 

***  
When Eliza slipped on the dress Alex had bought her she felt weirdly beautiful. It fit perfectly and felt expensive. It flowed to the floor but with the heels on it hovered just above. She dug out her nude clutch and decided it was the closest she'd get to a match. Her make up was dark and smokey, her hair wavy with a glossy finish on her parted fringe. She looked smart and elegant, and she kind of liked it. The knock on the door turned her stomach but she forced her legs to carry her forwards to answer it.

"On the dot." She smiled cooly as she swung the door open, greeting Alex.

Alex gulped and stared, his eyes wide, pupils blown. Eliza admired his attire - a fitted maroon suit with black lapels, his quiff more tussled than normal. He smelt heavenly like aftershave and toothpaste and ever so faintly of nicotine. Eliza could just make out a cigarette carton in the inside pocket of his jacket, along with a comb and his wallet.

"You're wearing it." He beamed, smoothing his hand over his left cheek, his eyes exploring the sight before him. His hearted pounded uncomfortably loud. She looked even better than he could have imagined. He'd regretted even sending the dress, realising how pompous it could have appeared but shit, she was actually wearing it and she looked amazing.

"It's beautiful...thank you." Eliza blushed, turning her face away slightly.

"You look like an angel," Alex licked his lips, stepping over the threshold of the doorway and gesturing for Eliza's hand. She gave it to him and they stood there, holding hands, gawping at each other.

"Benny is sulking in the wardrobe." Eliza sighed as Alex brushed his thumb over her knuckle. "I told him you were coming but the novelty's worn off I think." 

Alex laughed.

"What?"

"Just you, telling me about the cat as if you're not standing here looking all...like this!"

Eliza shushed him, dropping his hand and shaking her head.

Alex grinned deviously, striding towards her, forcing her back to hit the wall as she backed away.

"You're fucking ridiculous, you know that right?"

Before Eliza could either stammer a reply Alex was cupping her jaw and leaning in, his lips poised for their first kiss. Except their lips didn't touch. Eliza closed her eyes, pouting her lips and leaning forwards however the kiss never happened. She opened her eyes to a smug face.

"Knew you wanted to kiss me." Alex muttered triumphantly, muting her curses with his lips, hot and open as he kissed her. Their legs touched and Eliza groaned, swiping her tongue into Alex's mouth, blunt fingernails scratching against his neck. She felt his grin as he caught her bottom lip between his teeth, eyelashes fluttering against her cheek. He sucked on the stolen flesh, brushing his nose against Eliza's before pulling away slightly, pushing his forehead to hers.

"Well that was...long overdue.." Eliza raised an eyebrow.

"Definitely." Alex pecked her jaw before they left her house, getting in to his shiny black car, the air cleared, both occupants giggling.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tiny bit smutty but not graphic or anything really  
> can make it more detailed if anyone wants just wasn't sure and didn't wanna ruin it ygm
> 
> Feedback??

So they were at the beach. 

Alex galloped down the beach like an excited child, Eliza trailing behind him. She found a nice spot, under the hot sun, and dumped her beach bag. She sat crossed legged on her towel, a large sun hat flopping over her eyes. She wore an oversized tshirt, hanging off of one of her shoulders, her bottom half fairly exposed as she sat in her bikini bottoms, her shorts buried deep in her bag. Alex didn't look back as he jumped in the sea, his black denim shorts and loose short sleeved white shirt also in Eliza's beach bag. 

The pair had only been on two dates so far, this being the third, so Eliza was surprised when her date suggested the beach. She had never before felt particularly insecure but the prospect of stripping down to her bikini in front of /Alex/ made her stomach churn. 

She hadn't prepared herself for seeing her date topless. There was no way she could have accounted for his hidden abs and chiselled hips. Alex had v-lines hidden beneath his baggy shirts, if you could believe it. He had stripped the moment they got out of the car and that had even the exact moment Eliza had lost the ability to speak. He shot her a funny look before dumping his clothes and running off. She shoved them in the bag, frowning at his muscled back, shoulder blades flexing as he sprinted.

"Are ya not gonna come in?" Alex panted, standing at Eliza's feet and peering down at her, his hair dripping wet.

"I don't know." She shrugged.

"Please?" He stuck out his bottom lip. "Got boring on my own."

Eliza sighed, looking around awkwardly.

"Why don't you wanna?" He knelt in the sand, shaking out his hair.

"You just want to see me in a bikini." Eliza narrowed her eyes.

Alex grinned guiltily, standing up and outstretching his hand.

"Come on love."

Eliza sighed again, adding an exaggerated eye roll. She breathed in as she brought her top over her head, dumping it on the towel.

Alex muttered "fuck" beneath his breath before Eliza gave him her hand and they went running for the sea. Eliza screamed as he pushed her under the waves, laughing devilishly. She dunked him next which Alex didn't object to because it meant he could admire her body from beneath the water. In all honestly Alex was trying his best not to get a hard on just from looking at Eliza's body. She was slim yet curvy and the cluster of butterflies tattooed on her ribcage drew him in. 

Alex gulped when their legs brushed, running his fingers through his hair.

"It's absolutely freezing." Eliza shivered, rubbing her arms.

"Even under this sun?" Alex raised an eyebrow, leaning back in the cool water.

Eliza nodded shakily, trying not to pay too much attention to Alex's stretched out body, his trunks hanging low on his hips as he pushed them up. He straightened up as he felt her gaze, a small smirk playing on his lips as he approached. Eliza couldn't help but grin as he leant in, tickling her fingers with his as their arms hung by their sides. Alex licked his lips before placing a soft, featherlight kiss to Eliza's hungry mouth. She smiled, returning the kiss, slightly harder and longer as she opened her mouth, fingers curling around his neck, pulling their bodies close. Eliza gasped as Alex's hot skin pressed against hers, a flame sparking inside of her.

"You look right sexy in that bikini." Alex breathed into her parted lips.

"You didn't tell me you worked out." Eliza purred, chastely placing a hand on each of Alex's hips, flexing her fingers and causing a shiver.

"I don't really." 

"Could of fooled me." Her breath hit Alex's lips making him almost pant under the heat of the sun and Eliza's touch.

Alex gulped.

"Think you might need a swim...to calm down." Eliza backed off slightly, her eyes flickering to Alex's crotch and then to his face, amused.

She cackled with satisfaction when Alex looked down at himself with panic only to find nothing out of the ordinary. He rolled his eyes, cheeks blushing. His cool facade was near impossible to keep up around Eliza as she ran rings around him, having him almost admit he found her so attractive an erection wouldn't be out of the question. 

After the beach they grabbed a light lunch before driving back to Alex's house, of which Eliza knew well. The sky was dark and the wind turned cold. They both showered, separately, before taking it in turns to use the hair dryer. Alex gave Eliza one of his jumpers to wear over her tiny shorts when he caught her shivering. She accepted, suppressing a moan at his delicious scent that filled the fabric.

"Move a little closer love," Alex smiled, his voice husky from the other end of the sofa.

Eliza smiled, scrambling to her knees and crawling towards him. 

This made Alex smile wider, outstretching his arm and gesturing for her to lean into his jumper clad chest. It was bizarre that he wanted this, Alex thought. He hadn't had any human comfort in so long that it surprised him that he would crave such a thing so soon. Eliza mewed as her head settled on his left peck, her bare legs overlapping over Alex's. 

Alex licked his lips, timidly rubbing his rough hands up and down Eliza's goosebumps legs. She giggled, hoping he wouldn't realise that the goosebumps were a result of his touch. 

"Ya like that?" Alex raised an eyebrow, grinning as Eliza's fingers scratched through the back of his hair and over his neck.

"Uhuh." She pushed her nose against his jaw, breathing slightly heavier as her chest grew tight. Alex's touch was so /nice/ and warming and it made her body buzz. 

"Are you biting your lip?" He smirked, tilting his head to try and identify her features.

Eliza mumbled something into his skin, shifting so she could pile into his lap completely.

"Uh, 'ello there?"

"Hm, sorry." Eliza hummed, giggling as she felt Alex's hands move to support her bum. 

"Don't be." Alex leant in for an open mouthed kiss, hot breath surging from his lips.

Eliza responded heatedly, twisting her fingers in Alex's still damp hair and pulling him closer. Alex's hands pulled at her shorts, begging to slip beneath the denim and touch bare skin. Eliza rocked her hips experimentally, laughing into Alex's mouth as he gasped.

"Are you trying to-"

"Just testing." Eliza cut him off, dipping her head and sucking a little red bruise onto his neck. "Now I'm tasting."

Alex moaned under his breath, the sound almost non existent yet present in his chest. Eliza sucked harder, pulling Alex's hair gently, dipping a toe in Alex's sexual fantasies. The reality was neither of them knew each other's preferences because they had never discussed it. They had been going on platonic dates based on fun and laughter and kisses but nothing else. But this, this was different. They both wanted something. Perhaps not the whole way but definitely a little something to satisfy the buzzing heat between them.

Eliza pulled Alex's jumper over his head, as they laid across the sofa, throwing it behind her. She marvelled at the freshly revealed skin, licking her lips before tracing short, sharp kisses down his front. Alex pushed his hips up, wanting more. Eliza's forearm pushed against the bulge in his shorts as she traced his v-lines with her tongue. Alex groaned, tangling his fingers in her hair and trying to push her head lower. She gave in when she found her face muffled in the denim. She unbuttoned Alex's shorts, purposely brushing her hand against him.

"Eliza, shit." He widened his eyes as she dragged her nose over him, chuckling. "Never had you down as a-" Lick. "-Tease."

"You clearly don't know me at all then babe." Eliza yanked his shorts off, eyes pouring over his tight boxers. Tight, tight, tight boxers. 

"Take your jumper off." Alex growled, eyes rolling back in his head as her bra came into view. "Fuck, so pretty. Gonna suck my dick princess?"

Eliza's cheeks flushed. 

She gave Alex a few moments to stare at her chest before inching his boxers down to his knees. Her eyes glazed as his erection was freed, laying hard and thick against his stomach.

"Alex." Eliza stared, making a noise in the back of her throat before bobbing her head down and moaning again as she took him into her mouth.

***  
"Your body is like...like that of a goddess." Alex panted, the tips of his fingers trailing up and down Eliza's spine. "You're the kind of girl I write songs about."

"Shush." She turned into his spent skin, blushing.

"Your mouth...fuck-"

"When you fucked my mouth don't you mean?" Eliza interrupted, laughing as she caught Alex's eye.

"Okay, you can be quiet now."

"Not what you were saying earlier." Eliza started pecking over Alex's ribs, giggling into his skin as she ticked him with her hair.

"Had to ruin the moment didn't ya love?"

Alex wheezed as she poked at his sides, twisting away from her. They carried on laughing and winding each other up until they fell asleep, one after the other, content.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just reinstating the bromance
> 
> Feedback?? Wanna know if anyone wants me to keep writing this?

Alex's feet sank into the pebbles as he made his way across Matt's driveway. He knocked on the door, smiling as his friend answered.

"Can ya please tell me why you're buzzing off your tits?" Matt narrowed his eyes as they sat at the kitchen island, sipping their coffees. "You're not on the weed again...or whatever that shit was,"

Alex shook his head coyly, widening his eyes slightly as he took in a mouthful of coffee.

"Are ya drunk?"

"No!" Alex laughed.

"Have you just had a really good wank?" Matt winced, as if the idea caused him physical pain.

"Matt, for god's sake! I'm...seeing a bird." 

"What?" He stared.

Alex was a loner. For as long as Matt had known him, which was most of their lives, he must have had no more than 2 girlfriends and barely made an attempt at pulling in night clubs. He wasn't promiscuous or sleazy per say, in fact Alex's romantic life was fairly boring. Alex was never one to beam emotion either. Of course he smiled and was visibly happy but not so much that he could barely sit down with excitement.

"The painter girl...Eliza...the one that-"

"That you drove home and stuff?" Matt cut him off, frowning.

"Yeah." Alex nodded. "We hung out and I ended up kissing her."

"Why were you hanging out? Thought she'd finished the painting?"

"Well exactly. She finished and it was weird not seeing each other."

"You've gone soft." Matt teased, grinning into his coffee mug.

"A bit," Alex grimaced. "She's gorgeous though, like nothing I've ever seen."

"Well she had to be hiding something under those baggy clothes." 

"Gives incredible head as well, fuck."

Matt choked on his coffee.

"Alex, what the fuck?"

Alex laughed, shrugging his shoulders. "We didn't have sex or anything, just messed around, chill out."

"You get attached." Matt said simply.

"I know."

"I'm just saying." He defended. "Don't forget how hard ya fall, ya massive idiot."

Alex smiled meekly at his caring yet dream crushing friend.

"So how's the dragon?"

"I'm assuming you mean Libby?" Matt sighed.

"Of course,"

"She's good, busy with her business though-"

"Flower pressing?" Alex chimed in.

"-flower arranging- got a lot of wedding parties in."

"Careful, she'll be expecting you to propose soon!"

Alex's laughter cut off quickly when he noticed Matt's embarrassed expression.

"Oh, you're not?" Alex groaned.

"Well, one day I-"

"Shit. You've got the ring haven't you?!"

"No, no, I just-"

"Helders, don't lie to me!" Alex stared incredulously at the drummer.

"Look, it just looked so perfect for her! Doesn't mean I'm going to propose now or anything!"

Alex narrowed his eyes.

"We've only been living together three months, if that, I'm not rushing into anything. I promise Al."

"You better not. May I remind you that you handle things way worse than I do."

Matt rolled his eyes, anticipating the example.

"Exhibit A being the cancellation of quiz night at the local when we were nineteen and stoners. You smashed their windows."

"Shut up."

"B being Molly Davies, more commonly known as greasiest girl in Britain who left you for a Spanish waiter whilst you were both on holiday. In Spain."

"Can we not?"

"You cried for weeks solidly mate. I had to force feed you pot noodle and light candles in her fucking memory to stop you crying."

"Yes well I-"

"Nine dates I missed. Nine. Just to make sure you didn't top ya self." Alex shook his head. "I mean I'd do it again, but you gotta admit you've played a part in my abomination of a love life."

"I hate you." Matt spat, grabbing his cigarettes from the counter behind him and lighting up.

Alex took one next, doing the same and smiling angelically.

"Surely Queen Elizabeth doesn't like ya smoking in here?" Alex frowned, gesturing to his cigarette before taking a drag.

"She's not here mate." Matt laughed. "The amount of plants I've 'found' dead cos I've accidentally tripped or set them on fire. Libbs would kill me if she saw what I got up to in her absence."

"Sounds like the perfect relationship to me." Alex snorted. "Just let me know when the wedding is."

Matt refused to fall in.

"So I can buy a hat." Alex finished regardless, smiling contently at his own joke.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that the next chapter will be longer and more eventful, I need to stop just basking in the Alex turner glory and write proper story lines GODDAMMIT 
> 
> got big plans for chapter 10 so please hang on until then if you're thinking of abandoning this fanfic
> 
> if you don't like major fluff then look away now ok

Alex was slick. It was the only way to accurately describe him. He stood out in the back garden, wearing his first generation battered Adidas shorts, perched on the equally as worn down picnic table, taking long drags of his cigarette in the dusk light. The smoke covered his profile, misting both of their views. Eliza watched from the kitchen, lazily washing up the coffee stained mugs that had been previously residing in the study that Alex had neglected to tidy. He kicked his bare feet through the wild grass, perhaps humming to himself as he was often caught doing. He was one of those people who kept a lot in and was always thinking. He opened up to people on the odd occasion but no one could say that they knew everything about him. He was too closed down for prying questions yet he made an attempt to be open as to not push others away. 

When Eliza was finished with the dishes she slipped off her socks and joined him. Alex smiled as he felt her presence beside him, lighting a cigarette. He kissed her hard and dirty before placing the cigarette between her lips. Eliza smiled, nuzzling his neck, the cold night air relaxing her.

"Ya know, I've never found anyone to do this with before," Alex sighed, his knees bobbing up and down like chattering teeth. 

"I love the peacefulness of dusk." Eliza shrugged, rolling her eyes at her accidental poeticness, memories if her pretentious private school creeping in.

"I like it when it's like this cos it helps me think." Alex breathed.

"About?" Eliza prompted.

In the month and a half that the pair had been 'seeing' each other not once had Alex spoken about his past. Of course Eliza didn't particularly want to hear about his beautiful model ex-girlfriends or how many hearts he had unintentionally broken, but she did want to know something - anything - about his love life before her. She had opened up about her worst ex and even how hopeless she had been in current years. She had told him about how hopeless she'd felt when her father died and the struggle of her old best friend moving to Australia. Alex had been so caring and compassionate but offered no story in return. It unnerved her.

"Songs mainly." Alex took a long, heavy drag of his cigarette, flicking ash onto the wilting grass beneath them. "I write a lot of stuff at night - outside - with cigarettes and a guitar."

Eliza nodded, her fingers creeping up the back of his neck and into his hair, pulling at his dark, un-styled explosion of hair gently.

Alex hummed, closing his eyes and taking another drag.

"That's so relaxing," he breathed. "I know we never really spoke about that kind of thing, but I do like a bit of hair pulling."

"Oh really?" Eliza giggled. "I'll bare that in mind."

"You've done it before." Alex groaned as her fingers tightened, her nose tracing is jaw line. "You just didn't realise."

"You should of said." Eliza took a half-hearted drag of her cigarette before stubbing it out in the ceramic ashtray behind them.

"I was too busy moaning," Alex chuckled softly, leaning into Eliza's soft kisses as they reached his cheeks.

"Al?"

"Uhuh?" 

Alex rolled his eyes as Eliza took his cigarette from his lips, smoking it herself before smiling and whispering into his ear.

"You're fucking pretty."

They shared a sweet kiss before going inside, ending the night cuddled up in bed, the night air still safely wrapped around them.

 

The room smelt even heavier of Alex as morning broke. Eliza rubbed her hands over his back as his head laid on her chest. Alex's skin began to goose bump beneath Eliza's fingertips as it absorbed her tender touch, his shoulder-blades twitching as he began to wake up.

"Love, that's so nice." Alex groaned croakily, stretching one arm out, pushing his fingers beneath the pillow.

"Morning." Eliza mumbled, cruelly making her touch lighter.

Alex squirmed, laughing and lifting his head, squinting his eyes at her. 

"Morning." He rolled onto his side, pushing his hands out to ward off her tickling touch.

"You can relax." She smirked, stretching out, groaning as her shoulders clicked.

"Good." Alex muttered, curling up again. "Rub my back again will ya?"

"Hey! Thought you were going to give me a lift to work?" Eliza protested as she noticed his attempt to rekindle sleep.

"What time is it then?" He groaned.

"Time to get up." Eliza answered smartly, leaning over Alex's crumbled form and blowing hot air into his ear.

He squealed, sitting bolt upright and staring incredulously at her.

"You're just trying to get me to hate you, aren't ya?" Alex hissed.

"Someone's cranky in the morning." Eliza teased, raising an eyebrow.

Before Alex could answer she was crawling into his lap and kissing him softly, his aggravation melting away at her nicotine stained lips. His fingers unknotted her hair, his thumbs brushing just behind her ears as they made their circuit.

"I don't think you should hate me." Eliza breathed, kissing him again. "I'm very good to you."

Alex's hands found her hips, pulling her in closer for a stronger kiss.

"You're such a little shit Eliza." He laughed, shaking his head. "And you know it."

She grinned back at him, nodding.

Alex kind of loved her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure if I like how I've written this tbh but I promised more of a story line so here you go hahah I'm sorry it's still so much of a drabble but I always end up writing at night when my brain isn't fully awake anymore /oops/
> 
> Feedback??

Eliza dropped to her knees, searching through her rucksack before she found the pointy edged canvas she was looking for. She pulled it out, smiling at the black and white portrait of her father that had just about dried this morning after receiving it's final touches. She placed it in a clear plastic bag before propping it up against the withered grave stone.

"Hi dad." Eliza whispered, although she was alone. "Happy Birthday."

Michael Doon had died when Eliza was fifteen years old. Unfortunately she remembered it vividly. She had come home from school one day only to be told that her father had been the victim of a hit and run accident. He was killed on site and Eliza had no choice but to identify the body as her mother was in pieces and Carmen was on her gap year in Dubai. Eliza would never forget the image of her father's cold, lifeless body laying out on a shiny metal slab. His face was barely recognisable. In fact the only way Eliza could truly identify him was by the tattoo of a swan on his left side, her's and her sister's names inked on the wings. The swan didn't look how she remembered though. In her memory it was happy and vibrant but on that day, the last time she was to see it, it was dark and blood stained.

"I'm seeing someone." She traced a finger over her father's name, stopping at 'beloved father' before tracing her name as it followed. "He's called Alex. He's famous. Not fake famous, don't worry, he deserves it. He's very talented, you'd like him.

Eliza grabbed her flask from her bag, sipping timidly at the tea she poured.

"I might bring him to see you one day." She mused. "I think he'd like that, he's heard so much about you."

She drained her cap of tea.

"All good things of course."

***

Pulling up in Alex's drive, Eliza felt nervous. Alex was going to accompany her up to her family home in Oxford and meet her mum. She wanted him to but at the same time it felt like a horrendously big step for the couple. Alex grinned as he emerged at his front door, a black leather holdall hanging off his arm. Eliza clicked open the boot and he threw it in, pushing it shut before getting into the passenger seat.

"Hello love." Alex leant over, kissing Eliza softly, his thumb grazing her cheek.

"You smell good." She preened, leaning in for another kiss.

They separated and Alex patted her thigh before excitedly riffling through her CDs, choosing what album he wanted to listen to as Eliza pulled off of his drive.

"Benny's coming with us by the way." Eliza gestured to the back of the car where her estranged let's carry case was buckled into one of the seats. "My mother is obsessed with him."

"Don't blame her." Alex laughed, slipping his shades off and rubbing his eyes.

"Don't get too comfy." Eliza teased, watching Alex curl up, his head resting on the open window. "Only takes forty minutes tops."

"I didn't get much sleep." He groaned. 

"How comes?"

"You know why." Alex narrowed his eyes. "It wasn't my idea to go to the cinema at 10 o'clock at night and then remind me I needed to pack at 1 in the morning."

"It's not my fault you're underprepared." Eliza smirked. "Would have thought the nerves of meeting Mrs Doon would make you pack prematurely."

"Oh god, don't." Alex shook his head. "I've only just managed to calm down. I'm not meeting the mother material!"

"Pfft, of course you are. You can be charming!"

"Yes but I also have rampant, rough sex with her daughter." He grimaced. "I'm not going to be able to look her in the eye!"

"You are if you don't bring up that topic!" Eliza exclaimed. "If I catch you talking about sex with my mum I think we'll have bigger worries than whether or not you can look her in the eye!"

"You know what I mean, smart ass."

Eliza rolled her eyes, "I don't know why you get so weird about this, you offered to come!"

"Because I didn't want you to be alone!" Alex reminded. "Plus I'm planning on sticking around so I'll need to get the seal of approval from ya mother at some point."

Eliza blushed at the idea that Alex liked being with her that much.

"Do ya not want her to meet me then?" Alex ducked his head, biting his lip.

"Al!" Eliza laughed. "Don't be ridiculous!"

Alex licked his lips.

"I want you to be there." She rolled her eyes again. "I'm really happy you're coming."

As they stopped at a red light Alex leant over and mouthed at Eliza's neck, she giggled, batting him off but secretly adoring the feeling of his lips. 

"Didn't tell you how pretty you look, did I?" 

"Shut up, loser."

"Darlin' you do." Alex kissed Eliza's jaw, sitting back in his seat with a smile.

"You look your usual perfect self, don't worry." Eliza muttered, knowing Alex heard and that it would make him beam.

***

"Okay, I'm shitting myself now." Alex groaned as they pulled up on the long drive.

"Calm down." Eliza unbuckled her seat belt, turning to face Alex, her hand settling on his knee. 

"What if she-"

"Look, it's my Uncle's birthday so we're not going to be the centre of attention. It's only my mum and Carmen that will care, trust me."

"They will definitely like me yeah?" Alex bit his lip, pushing stray stands of hair back into his quiff. 

"They will love you." Eliza leant forwards to give him a chaste kiss before launching out of the car and collecting Benny from the back seat, making Alex carry the present bag. "We'll take the bags in tonight when there's less people yeah?"

Alex nodded, following her up to the door. She knocked and he held her breath.

"Well get her off the bloody table then!" The door opened. "Lizzie!"

The woman who opened the door looked the spitting image of Eliza apart from the fact that she was about a foot shorter and had fair, blonde hair. She smiled brightly at Alex, studying his image as he squeezed Eliza's hip.

"This must be Alex!" She thrust her hand forward, shaking Alex's before pulling him into a one arm hug.

"Uh, yeah mum, this is...Alex," Eliza rolled her eyes at her mother's over friendly nature.

"I'm Jacqueline but call me Jackie, sweetheart." She introduced herself quickly, letting the pair inside.

Eliza let Benny out of his carry cage once they were inside and he immediately jumped into Jackie's arms, nuzzling into her chin. The middle-aged woman cooed and carried him into the kitchen where she had already set up food and water for the feline. 

"God, you're a good looking couple!" Jackie gasped dramatically as she stared at the pair, standing in the doorway. "Can I get you a drink anyone?"

"I'll get drinks mum, can you take the present to Kev, tell him I'll be over in a sec?" Eliza took the bag from Alex and threw it into her mother's arms, smiling angelically. 

Jackie disappeared into the garden where the main party/barbecue was taking place. Eliza turned to Alex, smiling at his flushed cheeks.

"So that's my mum."

"She's lovely."

"Please don't fancy her."

"I'll try."

"Thank you."

They exchanged odd looks before Eliza poured them both a glass of white wine. Alex stole a quick kiss or four before they ventured into the garden, revealing themselves to prying eyes.

"Kev! Happy birthday!" Eliza launched herself into her uncle's arms, in memory of how close they had been after her father's death.

"Elizabeth!" He held onto her tightly, rubbing her back. "So nice to see you. God you're a proper woman now, I feel ancient."

"You look good for 65," Eliza grinned.

"I'm 61 and you know it." Trevor pushed her shoulder, laughing.

"This is Alex." She slipped her hand into Alex's, nudging him forwards.

"Oh so this is the boyfriend I've heard so much about." He shook his free hand.

Eliza opened her mouth to protest, unsure if Alex was yet her boyfriend.

"That would be me." Alex smiled at Trevor, shaking his hand graciously.

He caught Eliza's eye and just smiled, giving her a little nod, causing her cheeks to flush dark red.

"I'd love to stay and gawp at you two but there is so much beer for me to drink." Trevor interrupted their gaze, pinching Eliza's cheek and rubbing Alex's shoulder before disappearing.

"So we're..?" Eliza turned in, whispering in a low voice.

"Well yeah, what else?"

"I don't know, I just didn't-"

"We're pretty exclusive El, you're clearly mine now," Alex flashed her a cheeky grin. "And I wanna be yours."

"Did you seriously just quote the title of your own song?" She stared, biting her lip to suppress her grin.

"This is what you signed up for." He answered simply, kissing her cheek. "Should of read the terms and conditions love."

"You deserve such a slap." Eliza giggled, turning his face so she could kiss him properly, regardless of their audience.

"On the arse yeah?"

"If you're lucky." She shook her head, kissing harder and longer, her fingers messing up his hair, not that she cared.

***

After a long evening of meeting family and hanging out with Carmen and her boyfriend, the pair retired to Eliza's old room. She was thankful that she'd got a double bed in her teen years as it guaranteed a lot more room. They dumped their bags from the car and Benny soon found a comfortable sleeping spot on top of Eliza's rucksack.

"You did so well today." Eliza hummed, slowly unbuttoning Alex's baggy, short sleeved shirt.

"Do you think?" Alex breathed, the anticipation of each button making his stomach squirm even though he doubted it was leading to anything.

"Uhuh." Eliza nodded, pushing it off of his shoulders, bending her head to mouth gently at his bare skin, letting her tongue slip through between her lips so she could taste his salty skin.

Alex moaned, cupping the back of her head.

"Don't get too excited, my mum's asleep next door." She dragged her nose up his side, her breath ticking him.

"You tell me that knowing I'm half hard already." Alex groaned, "you are the definition of a tease."

"Just wanted to show you how much I...like you and appreciate you coming along."

"Stop being cute." He growled, bundling Eliza up into his arms and throwing them both back onto the bed. "I will have to tickle you in a minute if you keep on."

Eliza jumped off the bed in protest making Alex laugh.

They stripped to their underwear and got under the duvet, Benny snoring quietly in the darkness as Alex flicked off the lamplight, allowing them to drift off to sleep.

***

"Alex?" Eliza broke the sleep filled silence a few hours later, with the initial stutters of a premature declaration that she would potentially regret. "Alex...can I...tell you something?"

"Huh?" Alex cuddled up closer behind her, half asleep still, his lips to her ear.

"I guess you know but...I...I just -" Eliza gulped. "I love you." She cringed as soon as the words left her mouth. She truly meant it and felt as though she could do nothing other than declare, but part of her worried Alex was not there yet. The long silence that followed did not help her suspicions. 

"Eliza...babe...I love ya too." Alex grinned into her ear, sensing her doubts as he back went rigid against him. "These 4 months - or however long it's been - together, have been so good."

Eliza rolled in his arms to face him, blushing as she always did.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He nodded, kissing the corner of her mouth. "You do realise you've already told me you love me though?"

Well that explains his nonchalant reaction, Eliza thought.

"What?" Her eyes widened.

"You talk in your sleep all the time." Alex smirked as they sat up, turning to face each other, flicking the lamp on.

"You're joking?!"

"Nope, you always tell me you love me and-" he was cut off with his own laughter. "-how sexy you think I am."

"Oh god." Eliza covered her face.

"You first told me you loved me about a month ago sweetheart."

"Do you speak back to me?" She cringed.

"Sometimes." Alex shrugged. "I always think you're awake. It's only when you don't respond or I see your face that I know." 

"God, I'm so embarrassed."

"You've spoken tonight." Alex admitted warily. "You, uh, said you wanted me to meet your dad."

"Oh." 

Silence.

"It was just a thought." Eliza cringed. "I go to the grave a lot, I know it's weird, and I talk to him and I mentioned you and I realised it would be the only way you could meet him but it's too weird, I see that-"

"If you want me to I will." Alex pulled Eliza into his chest as they laid down again, the light off. He played with her hair as she started to relax. "I'd be more then happy."

"For such a so-called arrogant arsehole, you're scarily understanding." Eliza giggled sleepily into Alex's skin.

Alex rolled his eyes, mumbling another "I love you" before rejoining his previous sleep, Eliza finally completely settled in his arms.


	11. Chapter 11

The sun burned through Eliza's bedroom window, grazing over Alex's shoulder blades as he laid with his head buried in his pillow. He yawned into the fabric, the slight sting of the sun forcing him to roll onto his side. Eliza wasn't in the bed, he realised that quickly. He wondered briefly where she was before he was assaulted by Benny's whiskers shoving up into his nose. Alex squirmed, petting the cat until he curled up against his chest. 

Alex had never got used to waking up in Eliza's apartment. He loved it - adored it in fact - but it just seemed kind of strange. He knew where he was in his own home, where things went, and why they were there. At Eliza's he felt he was putting things in the wrong places and littering her home when he set down a belonging. It added excitement to their whole arrangement however as he would often wake up feeling like he had had a one night stand in an unfamiliar bed only to be greeted by the face of the girl he loved.

Loved. Alex shuddered as he remembered their declaration. He didn't regret it but it was admittedly premature. He had felt sick when he first heard Eliza mumble it in her sleep. It meant she was attached and that his actions would always effect her that little bit more. When they had sex they would now be giving each other a little piece of themselves instead of having a semi-meaningless fumble. It meant that Alex would belong beside Eliza like a seating plan. He liked the idea but it scared him. Alex was supposed to be a dark horse or a force to be reckoned with, not a kept man. He wouldn't want to be without her, but he felt uneasy about the utter finality of their coupling. 

He yawned once more and shuffled away from Benny, pulling on his boxers and jeans from the floor. He padded through the apartment, locating his - gulp - girlfriend in the kitchen. She was wearing his shirt and he really liked that. He kind of loved it. 

"You look incredible in my shirt." Alex purred as he gingerly rubbed Eliza's hips over the thin material of his favourite shirt.

"Thank you." She blushed, turning her head and kissing him on the cheek, "I'm cooking pancakes, sit down."

And so Alex sat and he ate the pancakes Eliza had thoughtfully made for him. They tasted amazing, even better because pancakes were his favourite thing for breakfast and Eliza had remembered him saying it, hence why she made them. Alex washed up whilst Eliza got ready and the pair later drove to her office. Alex lazed around on the roof of her building with his guitar, recording a few ideas on his beaten up iPhone, his low droll humming out the bass lines he lacked. A few songs later he came down and found Eliza scowling over a portrait she was working on, her eyes darting from the paint to the reference picture of her commissioner. Alex told her she was brilliant and she laughed. He helped her mix the perfect colour for the young woman's eyes and it made Eliza smile wider that he'd had some input in such a large part of her life.

It was all very tight knit all of a sudden and Alex couldn't breathe. He went home that night, alone, to his own house. He looked through his phone at cutesy couple photos that they had taken together. He liked them, sure. He liked to see himself kissing Eliza. He liked to see where their hands touched and their eyes locked. He liked the silly faces they pulled and remembered how hard they had laughed when Alex managed to make his eyes look in different directions. He liked it all, so much. But perhaps love had been a miscalculation. He loved Eliza as a person, but he felt suffocated by what it entailed as a girlfriend. He wanted to see her a lot but not every day. Eliza didn't exactly push for that but she never forgot to stress how much she loved waking up to Alex in the morning and falling asleep with him at night. If that didn't mean spending every day together then what did?

Alex had been like this in the past. Always pushing people out of the way in search of something better. This was different though. He would never get better than Eliza. Alex knew this and it made him nervous. He felt exposed, as if his still beating heart had been laid out on a cold metal slab and Eliza was carefully throwing darts, trying not to hit it. But if she was to hit it, it would be an accident, but nevertheless it would kill him. Alex was petrified of getting hurt. Matt was right, Alex shouldn't get too involved with people because when they leave a little piece of him goes with them. It had always been like that until now where he had so little left that he was cynical. Eliza gave him more, fed him to full capacity and he was wary. Alex was a broken man reformed, the masking tape hidden yet always threatening to peel.

***  
Alex was cagey. The Brit Awards were a big deal and he was starting to panic. Eliza smiled sympathetically as she sat beside him at their table. Matt and Nick was blind drunk by this point and Jamie was his usual placid self, completely unbothered by everything. Libby had taken to Eliza immediately, chatting excitedly about their work, painting and fashion. It pleased Alex but he couldn't dwell on it for longer than a second because his obnoxious speech was swirling around his head as he tried to organise his thoughts.

They had opened the show and it had gone amazingly. Alex felt as if his voice was at it's best and he had managed to get across the whole essence of Arctic Monkeys. Eliza had held him so tightly backstage, kissing his neck and stressing how well he had done. He forgot his uncertainties for a moment and allowed himself to melt into the support that she was offering. She told him she loved him and he just smiled. He knew his silence made her stomach drop but he ignored it.

"Thank you. That rock'n'roll, eh? That rock'n'roll, it just won’t go away. It might hibernate from time to time and sink back into the swamp. I think the cyclical nature of the universe in which it exists demands it adheres to some of its rules. But it’s always waiting there, just around the corner, ready to make its way back through the sludge and smash through the glass ceiling, looking better than ever. Yeah, that rock'n'roll, it seems like it’s fading away sometimes, but it will never die. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Thank you very much for this. I do truly appreciate it. Don’t take that the wrong way. And...uh...invoice me for the microphone if you need to."

Eliza found Alex's speech hilarious. It was so raw and true and arrogant that she couldn't help but cry with laughter. She felt the camera pan to their table and hoped she wasn't as beetroot red as she felt. The moment Alex dropped the mic Eliza stood up and cheered. They locked gaze and Alex just stared back blankly, as part of his facade, but his eyes gleamed. 

"You didn't read me that speech!" Eliza laughed as they were reunited backstage, the Brits finally over.

"I wrote it as a joke," Alex admitted. "We didn't think we'd win anything, one at the most, but not two!"

"Well you deserved to win both." She kissed the corner of his mouth, brushing her nose against his.

Eliza felt how icy the atmosphere between the pair was but she pushed past it. It must just be the pressure of the evening, she reassured herself. They sloped off to the after party and Alex didn't hold her hand in the taxi. She placed it on his knee and he ignored it. Eliza flinched to herself, deciding that she would be distant as well, see how that faired. 

***  
"Who's shit in your pocket?" Matt slumped down next to Eliza, handing her another vodka and coke.

"Huh?"

"Why have you got a face like a smacked arse?"

"Alex." Eliza gestured to her so-called boyfriend, standing at the opposite side of the room, clutching a beer and mumbling to Jamie. "He's avoiding me."

"Cold feet most probably." Matt shrugged.

"Why? We're not getting bloody married."

"Yeah but...have you dropped the L bomb or..."

"Well...yeah," Eliza bit her lip, swigging her drink.

"There ya go love, he shits himself at any kind of commitment."

"What? So he'd cheat-"

"Whoa no." Matt cut her off swiftly. "He's not like that at all, he just gets jittery. He likes you Eliza you know that, he's scared of fucking things up. That's why he has his stage persona because he doesn't trust himself to carry the band."

Eliza nodded, chewing on her lip as her eyes fell on Alex. 

His cheeks were flushed as he leant against the bar. His hands were restless, twitching for nicotine and affection.

"He's needy as hell." Matt rubbed his eyes, the drink sinking in. "Like...an alpha male with a sensitive side..."

"Should I say something...like let him know I'm here for him or...something?" Eliza drained her glass, squinting in confusion.

"Nah, I'd just wait for him love."

Matt stumbled off, falling into Nick's shoulder, laughing to himself.

Eliza glanced over and Alex was looking at her. He was looking at her intensely, his brow furrowed, his lips pensive. Alex wanted to kiss her and hold her and make her smile but by this point he had made himself so isolated that it was awkward. 

He slammed his beer onto the bar, quickly making his way through the crowds and out onto the streets where he could smoke.

"Got a light?"

Alex looked up and Eliza raised her eyebrows.

He lit her cigarette and they both leant against the wall of the nightclub.

"Are you having a good time?" Alex exhaled.

"Not really." Eliza took a long drag, swallowing her coughs. "You?"

"It's been pretty fucking shit." He shook his head.

"I could of made it better if you hadn't been avoiding me." Eliza shrugged, unable to suppress a comment.

Alex sighed, rubbing his cheek with his spare hand before taking a drag.

"I started to freak out, El." 

"I noticed."

"It's the whole 'love' thing." He admitted.

Eliza widened her eyes.

"No! I mean I do love you, I meant that!" Alex stated quickly, realising how it sounded. "I'm just really fucking scared of messing it up."

Silence.

"Everything means something now, you know, like sex and stuff." Alex lit another cigarette as his first burned to a stub. "It kind of scared me that I loved you so soon, it's not what I'm like."

Eliza bit back a smile, nodding, moving a little closer, flicking the ash from her cigarette onto the cold stony floor. 

"Do you not think I was overwhelmed as well Alex?" She raised an eyebrow, squaring up to him, leaning a hand on the wall just above his shoulder, their faces suddenly close. "I wasn't expecting things to move fast, I was quite surprised to even hear you fancied me."

Alex licked his lips as the tips of their noses brushed.

"If it's too much pressure, we don't have to meet up as much." Eliza sighed. "You're not gonna fuck things up though okay, that's normally my job."

"How do you-"

"I was speaking to Matt." She cut him off, stubbing out her cigarette and flicking it to the floor.

"Right."

The air between them became light and gentle. Alex took one last drag before discarding his second cigarette in favour of knotting his fingers in Eliza's hair. 

"I won't subject you to my family if it feels too much." Eliza whispered, her eyes growing darker.

"Shush, it wasn't that."

"I'll stop wearing your shirts?"

"Definitely don't stop that." Alex scowled. "That drives me crazy."

"I won't drop the L-bomb as much?"

Alex shook his head, letting a heavy breath, coated in beer and nicotine. It hit Eliza's lips causing them to part as Alex's mouth met hers. Eliza's hand snaked into Alex's jacket, the warmth of her fingertips soaking through his shirt and teasing his sides. He groaned in response, pulling her closer and slipping his tongue into her mouth. They kissed with passion whilst music from the club thumped through the wall. Alex's hand found Eliza's bum, squeezing it experimentally, a grin edging around his lips as she moaned. He broke the kiss and dipped his head, sucking a red blotch onto Eliza's neck, marking her as his own.

"We're good, don't worry." Alex breathed, nudging Eliza's thigh with his knee.

"Good," she rolled her eyes, going in for another kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this when I was half asleep so if there's any errors or it's just terrible I will be editing it properly shortly x

For the next few weeks Eliza found herself living life as if she was constantly shining headlights on a startled rabbit. She would creep around Alex, desperately trying to say the right thing and not come off as too clingy. She understood his concerns and anxiety but it was stressing her out. So she avoided him. And like a doting bunny rabbit, Alex kept showing up and nuzzling into her lap, so to speak. She'd pet him - with kisses - but she was more reserved than before. 

The pair went on more day trips than was considered possible. The zoo, the cinema, the aquarium, the theatre, museums, safari, even an art gallery. It was as if Eliza was worried that if they stood still or laid in bed for too long then she would explode into sonnet after sonnet about her intense feelings towards Alex. It tired them both out so they slept longer than before, making lazy attempts to please each other sexually. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't what they had before, and that was what they really wanted.

Alex knew what she was doing. He played along because they did have a good time and it was interesting to see what it would be like if they eliminated the romantic aspect of their relationship. In hindsight it was awful though. Alex cursed himself for messing up royally with the one girl he truly loved. If he hadn't behaved like a child at the after party then Eliza wouldn't have gotten it into her head that she must act like a friend and not a lover. He tried to show her, muttering sweet little phrases into her ear as they sat too close on the train, or brushing his fingertips over her knuckles as gently as he could and looking into her eyes equally as softly. But it didn't work because Eliza told herself that she was misreading the signs. She told herself that she was seeing what she wanted to see and Alex was just being kind. After all, he did love her, just not as much, or perhaps as forthrightly as she loved him.

***

When Alex called at 3 o'clock in the morning Eliza was somewhat confused. She was already awake, hunched over a canvas, desperately trying to finish the landscape she had been commissioned to paint. She elbowed her phone onto speaker, her fingers covered in half mixed paints.

"This better be good, I'm working you lunatic!" 

"Baby," Alex breathed fondly.

"If this is phone sex I'm hanging up, I'm really not in the mood." Eliza rolled her eyes at his tone.

"I've just been thinking." He defended.

"Okay..." Eliza continued to paint, frowning.

"I want to take you on holiday."

She dropped her paintbrush, wiping her hands on her apron quickly, grabbing the phone and holding it to her ear.

"What?"

"Italy maybe? I don't know, I just want to take you away somewhere." Alex shrugged, stretching out under his thin duvet.

"Why?" Eliza raised an eyebrow, although he could not see her.

"Because I love you, moron."

Eliza shivered. That was the first time in at least two weeks that Alex had said those words. He'd alluded to them so many times but it was the raw assembly of those three words that made her tremble.

"Al," she grinned, her cheeks red, her eyes full of pathetic tears.

"It's been so hard on ya, hm?" Alex's tone softened even more, like liquid gold suffocating Eliza's senses.

"A bit." She wiped her eyes, sniffing.

"Darlin' I'm sorry, you know that yeah?

She nodded.

"Did ya nod or something?"

She laughed.

"I'm going to take you away and make you feel so good okay?"

"Alright," she bit her lip. "What possessed you to do this at 3 in the morning though?"

"I was just thinking about it, like worrying. I don't wanna lose you, so I better pull my socks up."

Eliza rolled her eyes, grinning wider.

"Holiday it is then?"

"If that's okay with you."

"More than okay, Alex."

"Get some sleep you soppy idiot," Alex teased, chuckling, breaking the tension instantly. "I'll sort it all out, don't you worry your pretty little head."

***  
Alex planned and booked a week of relaxation situated in the heart of Tuscany in a rented villa which overlooked the beach. It fig round his touring schedule and Eliza could easily bring enough supplies to do at least one commission whilst they were there. Alex didn't really want her to bring her work with them but she insisted, assuring him she would be restless without it. He couldn't resist her puppy dog eyes or pouting lips so he agreed. They were now 6 months into their relationship, a tad early to go on holiday together, but it felt as though they needed it. Benny was packed away to Eliza's mother, not looking back as he flounced past the middle aged woman's legs and straight up the stairs, curling up on his favourite spot on her bed. 

Alex was his usual restless self on the plane, leaning over Eliza to stare out the window, pressing his cheek against the cold glass as she squealed beneath him, his elbows digging into her thigh. He'd laugh and loll his head to one side, letting the coldness of his cheek press against Eliza's. He didn't particularly like flying and he was dying for a cigarette so it became his prerogative to be somewhat annoying.

The ice between them hadn't been broken just yet as Eliza continued to take care with where she placed or hands or how she phrased things. Alex tried to urge her on, always situating his hand too high on her thigh or purposely adding an innuendo to every story, but he received little reaction. It was only when Eliza slept that he was granted what he wanted to hear. 

When Eliza fell asleep on the plane she began mumbling almost immediately. She repeated the phrase 'stupid sexy loser' every now and again, Alex's name littered between most words. She didn't say she loved him but she did confide how much she liked having him in her life. She made a few crude comments and Alex was glad her voice was low and muffled by his shoulder. He laughed them off, blushing as she whispered things she wanted to do to him, her eyes still firmly closed. Alex loved her lack of filter in these moments, it was almost hard to believe. He loved how he was the only one who got to hear her inner most thoughts, even if they were uncontrollable confessions. 

They touched down a little after 6 in the evening. Eliza opened her eyes begrudgingly, grimacing at Alex's smug expression, dreading finding out what she'd said. They left the plane and gathered their bags, piling into a taxi. 

They reached their villa and Eliza squealed.

"Seriously Alex?!" She gasped as they stood in front of the large cottage just off the coast, huge windows lining the front.

"I said it would be good," he grinned, fishing the key out of his pocket.

Every room was brilliant white and immaculate. Eliza swooned at the open plan kitchen, and the dining room that over looked the sea, the glass sliding doors opening up to reveal a pathway down to the beach.

"This is all so incredible, how did we get it so cheap?" She stared.

Alex shrugged, choosing not to mention the fact he lied to her about the price so he could keep it all a surprise and treat her.

They filled the walk in wardrobe with their clothes and shoes and made a swift b-line for the huge king sized bed. Alex laid back in the plush pillows, stripped to his boxers, watching Eliza undress. She groaned as she pulled off her t-shirt, the humid Tuscan air assaulting her bare skin.

"If I wasn't melting I would definitely come on to you right now." Alex breathed, closing his eyes, sleep creeping up on him rapidly.

"Thanks," Eliza climbed in beside him, draping an arm over his chest. "I think."

"It was a compliment." Alex confirmed, shuffling beneath her.

"Always a charmer.'

"Can you shut up I want to sleep."

Silence.

"Eliza?"

"Uhuh?"

"Shut up."

Silence.

"El?"

Silence.

"Eliza?"

"What?" She groaned.

"Shut up I'm trying to sleep."

"Right I'm going to kill you." Eliza shot up, pushing her hands under the covers and tickling Alex's sides.

He squeaked, wriggling around the bed trying to get away whilst laughing hysterically.

"You're such a wind up Al." She blew hot air into his ear, pining down his arms.

Alex grinned angelically, yawning.

"Now go to fucking sleep ok?" Eliza glared, flopping down into the pillows again.

Alex wrapped an arm around her waist with a chuckle and pulled her in, kissing her hair before yawning again and falling into a deep jet lagged sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, the next few chapters after this will get dark and sad unless people don't want that?? Please tell me what you'd like to see guys, don't want to ruin it for anyone ok
> 
> Can't believe people are even reading my work, thanku x

Alex woke up first, squinting against the bright sun that had broken through the blinds. He pushed his fingers through his wild explosion of bed hair, whaling out a yawn or two. His eyes flickered down to Eliza's sleeping form, her hair covering her face. Alex smirked, brushing the hair away and behind her ear. A small smile flickered across her face as her hands tightened on the duvet. Alex smiled a little wider, shuffling out of bed and staggering through to the kitchen, pouring a cold glass of orange juice. He winced as the icy cold liquid flooded his system, causing a sharp shiver to wrack his body. 

"Wake up smelly." Alex whispered, crawling up the bed.

"Nnng." Eliza groaned, burying her face further into the pillow.

"Love." He laughed. "We're on holiday, you can't just sleep."

"Fuck off."

Alex rolled his eyes, pulling back the thin duvet and curling a strong arm around the reluctant painter's waist. He pressed himself again her, his lips to her ear.

"Don't you wanna...shower?" He grinned on the last word, his cheeks flushing at the nerve of his insinuation. 

"A bit."

"Yeah?" He rolled his hips, fully aware of how much Eliza would feel him.

Eliza sighed, rolling onto her back and raising an eyebrow at Alex who was now looking over her.

"What time is it?" She croaked, her voice breaking at its first words of the day.

"Half 9." He glanced at the clock on the wall above them.

"You're acting like I've slept in until the afternoon, can't you cope without my glittering company for a few more hours?" Eliza pouted, rubbing her eyes.

"Nope. I'm restless and it's sunny and I want to go on a boat." Alex jumped out of bed, satisfied that Eliza would get up now. "I booked a trip for 12, lunch on board and everything."

"Maybe you should get a job as a tour guide...or a holiday rep..." Eliza teased, sitting up and yawning. "Chuck me your t-shirt."

Alex scrambled on the floor for last night's t-shirt before throwing it her way. She shrugged it on and the pair sat on the little square of patio in their back garden, eating toast and foreign fruits. 

After breakfast they showered, rather indulgently, and got ready for Alex's much anticipated boat trip. Alex's hair provided much of the morning's entertainment, frizzing due to the humid air. Eliza cried with laughter as he desperately tried to tame it; wetting it and gelling it, and drowning himself in hairspray. Eventually he managed to ruffle it into a pushed back mane, securing it with his sunglasses on top of his head. 

Eliza liked Alex like this. 

He seemed so vulnerable and soft without his harshly slicked back hair and leather jackets. He slouched out of the villa with fluffy hair, a baggy white vest and tight black jean shorts. He still looked cool and collected, but the look suited his sun fuelled excitement. Alex carried Eliza down to the dock on his back, skipping and jumping over bollards, making his passenger scream.

They arrived and Alex produced two crumpled tickets from his back pocket. They boarded and chose seats closest to the boat's front. The boat was an open-topped yacht with a glass bottom, brilliant white and named 'Theresa'.

"'Eliza' would have sounded better." Alex muttered as they settled, his arm over Eliza's shoulder protectively.

Eliza giggled, patting his arm and rolling her eyes.

They were accompanied by one other couple - elderly and ambitious, leaning over the edge the further out to sea they travelled - and an avid tourist, camera in hand. Alex was glad, Eliza could tell. He wasn't big headed or self-famed, but he feared being recognised. He wanted to rebuild their relationship and be somewhat pure as a person, for the first time in years. He wanted to bleach out the past and be a shiny, new toy for Eliza - untouched.

"This was the best idea ever Al." Eliza grinned as they climbed onto the boat's front, laying out on towels. "I've never been on a boat like this,"

"Me neither." Alex lied, wanting to accumulate as many fresh memories as he could, real or not.

"Beautiful weather, wish I'd brought a canvas...or anything to paint on," Eliza sighed, turning her face into Alex's now bare chest, nuzzling him with her nose, like a small kitten.

"You've got your camera, love." He reminded, nudging her backpack between them.

"Oh yeah." She nodded, fishing it out and swiftly taking a badly angled picture of them.

It printed and she laughed at their shiny, happy faces. She shook it and showed it to Alex once it was clearer. He grimaced at his dark eyes, wishing they would lighten to their rightful brown instead of the black they always appeared. 

"We tried." Eliza snorted, laying back again, identifying shapes within the clouds as Alex dozed off against her shoulder.

***

They smoked late into the night, back on the patio. The smoke settled over the water it seemed, hovering before drifting apart and away. Eliza had half a painting beside her, a rough recreation of the sun set. She hadn't been quick enough however, so she took a polaroid and gave herself a break. Alex sat in his boxers, feet tapping. He traced the curves of his knees with his fingertips, pushing down the stubborn goosebumps flooding his skin. The sun's descent had brought out a chill that Alex did not want to admit to, especially considering Eliza's unwavering tolerance in just her underwear. 

***

Sweat dripped from Alex's face as he shot up in bed, screaming.

He gripped the sheets, shaking and clenching his jaw.

"Wha-what's wrong?" Eliza quickly wiped is brow with the corner of the duvet, patting his shoulders and rubbing his back assuringly. 

"Nightmare." He gulped.

"What about?"

Alex shook his head, bringing his knees up to his chest. Eliza frowned, pushing his legs down and climbing onto his lap so he was forced to look at her. She cupped his face, circling her thumbs over his cheeks. She had never seen him so...scared.

"Baby, you're crying." 

Alex shook his head again.

"Just...relax, okay?" Eliza smiled sweetly, placing tiny kisses over every inch of his delicate face. 

He closed his eyes and enjoyed her lips, leaning his head back until it hit the pillow. Eliza laid on his chest, continuing the kisses with cool swirls of her breath following each one. 

Alex shivered, his heart slowing and settling back into his chest. 

"There you go."

He smiled, pulling Eliza closer like a teddy bear.

"You're safe." She whispered. "Sleep."

***

The next day they took a bus into Pisa. They shared earphones and mimed the songs to each other, laughing at the strange looks they received. Alex had retrieved his slick quiff, sunglasses hiding his eyes. Eliza curled her legs up onto his lap in a simple white shorts playsuit, sunglasses of her own pushing her hair off of her face. The pair hadn't discussed Alex's nightmare and Eliza still had no clue what it had been about. In fact, Alex appeared to be more cheerful this morning, buzzing with excitement, more than the boat trip, about visiting the leaning tower.

They took goofy pictures in front of the tower, positioning themselves so it looked like they were touching the top. They asked a tourist couple to take a picture of both of them and it was admittedly quite cute. Eliza tucked the polaroid into her rucksack, along with the camera, and Alex set his version as the lock screen on his phone. 

"So," Eliza started as they sat down to lunch in a local cafe just left of the tower. "How did you sleep last night?"

Alex dropped his menu, his eyes travelling slowly to her gaze.

"Fine." He gulped. "Apart from the...nightmare...of course."

They ordered their food and sipped their drinks as they came.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Eliza raised an eyebrow, speaking delicately.

Alex paused, setting his cider down carefully.

The food came before he could answer and they ate in silence. They smiled at each other but said nothing until the meal was over and they had freshly refilled drinks.

"Eliza I have a difficult past, okay?"

She nodded, listening.

"I don't really want to discuss it love, at least not right now." Alex pleaded. "We're on holiday."

"It's that bad?" Eliza widened her eyes, tapping her fingers over his knuckles gently.

"I suppose." Alex shrugged. "It's just not...easy."

"We don't have to talk about it." Eliza hushed quickly. "Love you.

Alex's breathing finally settled and he pursed his lips, "love you too."

They both smiled.

***

Alex carried Eliza down to the beach in the dark. She giggled, clinging onto his shoulders. They laid back in the sand, half way down the beach, listening to the waves. They laid on towels in their swimwear despite the cold night air. Alex leant over and gripped Eliza's thigh, his fingertips trailing over the goosebumps. She shivered, licking her lips and flashing him a shy grin. Alex chuckled in the darkness, lighting a cigarette that he produced from the pocket of his swimming trunks. Eliza wrapped her fingers around his wrist as his hand found her inner thigh. Her breath hitched and her eyes flickered over to Alex's parted lips, the smoke seeping out like a hungry serpent.

"Want a drag, doll?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Eliza breathed, her legs trembling as well as her hands as she grasped the cigarette, Alex's nimble fingers crawling between her legs.

"You alright?" Alex smiled innocently, his eyes sparkling as he watched her fumble with the cigarette, moaning into her exhale of smoke.

"Of course." She stood her ground and calling Alex's bluff.

He nodded silently, quickly slipping his hand into her bikini bottoms and touching again. 

Eliza gasped, gnawing down on her bottom lip.

"We can't...in public." She shook her head, panting and clamping her hand over Alex's.

"Boring." He whispered, removing his hand and flopping it back into the sand.

Eliza rubber his hard on over his trunks until he groaned. She then took her hand away, sticking her middle finger in his face.

"That's for being a tease." She stated.

"You're the tease, I'm very willing." Alex reminded, rolling onto his side and kissing up Eliza's neck between puffs of their cigarette. 

"Such an exhibitionist." Eliza rolled her eyes, although she enjoyed his lips on her neck.

"We're on holiday love, you're allowed to be dangerous."

"The villa is literally a minute away," she snorted. "We can go back?"

Alex shook his head quickly, "I wanna stay here, it reminds me of the back garden - kinda cold and misty - ya know?"

"Fair enough," Eliza curled into Alex's warm side as a shiver hit her, resting her head on his chest.

Alex rubbed her back gently until she fell asleep. 

When he was convinced she was asleep he gathered her up, along with their towels, and carried her back to the villa. He tucked her under the duvet and climbed in behind her, brushing her hair behind her ear so he could kiss her neck one more time. Eliza shuffled closer to him in her sleep, muttering his name. He smiled, satisfied, falling asleep moments later, ignoring the fact that he would undoubtedly have to tell her his story soon. 

He would have to bare himself in all his vulnerability and allow a decision to be made. He was scared because she might leave him. He was scared because he wasn't a talker. He didn't know how to explain or describe, or make things sound nicer than they were. His sloppy recounts would only make the situation worse, but then a dress rehearsal on his own would only mean he'd have to relive the whole affair over and over again. He wanted to be honest but it hurt. Everything hurt about his past and no one could look at him in the same way after they knew. 

Especially his mother.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Contains underage sexual abuse (not explicit but heavily implied) 
> 
> Sorry if this upsets anyone or is too dark, just felt appropriate to the plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware this is probably darker than anyone anticipated, but things will get better, don't worry!
> 
> (Don't read this chapter if you're easily upset or disturbed)

"Alexander!" Paula called up the stairs to her beloved son.

The excitable 8 year old bounded down from his room, into the kitchen, clutching a red wooden toy train in both of his tiny hands.

"Look at you..." The middle aged woman dropped to her knees, patting down the young boy's clothes; straightening out his jumper, rolling up his sleeves. "Such a cutie."

Alex giggled, stretching out his arms to his mother, falling forward into a strong embrace. Paula straightened up with the boy in her arms, spinning them and laughing at his joyous squeals. 

"Guess what, my little angel, Uncle Peter is coming to stay!" She whispered into his ear.

"No way!" He widened his eyes. "Uncle Peter is so cool! He lets me play with his guitar!" 

"I know, baby." She set him down, smiling as he drove the little toy train over her feet and into the hall.

"Do you think Uncle Peter will like my train, mummy?" 

Paula leant on the door frame, watching Alex play - scampering up and down the stairs, rolling the train around.

"He'll love it." She nodded. "Will you let him play with it?"

"Of course!" Alex gasped incredulously. "I'm good at sharing, my teacher said so."

"I know." Paula grabbed a little carton of juice, popping the straw into the cardboard. "Here, have a drink."

Alex slurped loudly, his eyes shining, almost grinning, at his mother.

Such a happy child, Paula thought.

"All done." He held the empty carton above his head. "Thank you mummy."

She took it from him, pushing it down into the bin.

"Mummy loves you Alex." Paula bent down and kissed Alex's cheek, one hand ruffling his hair.

He smiled, his cheeks flushing as he clapped. 

"Alex loves you too mummy."

She laughed at his copy of her words, rolling her eyes and chasing him up the stairs into his bedroom, ready to play the pirate or the princess or whoever he decided to cast her as.

***

Alex had all but wet himself when the infamous Uncle Peter walked through the door, guitar case on his back. Peter was Paula's brother, two years younger and ambitious. He was in a band, a small one, with three friends. They were never going to make it as they were all 30-somethings with unpaid mortgages and lists of regrets. 

Alex showed him all his new toys, all his old toys and introduced his uncle to all of his imaginary friends. Peter oo'ed and ah'ed appropriately, indulging the young boy in many of his favourite games. He let Alex's stubby fingers trickle over his guitar, pulling the strings delicately, so scared of breaking his uncle's pride and joy. 

Paula presumed that Alex's infatuation with his uncle was due to his lack of a father. Alex's father had left the young mother and her child two and a half months after he was born. Danny was never ready to be a dad and he was so good at running away from his fears. Commitment had been the first bump as he continuously cheated on Paula throughout their 4 year relationship. She knew pretty early on but she loved him so much it began not to matter.

"Hey, soldier, I like your top." Uncle Peter gestured to the little boy's red and yellow t-shirt, a shiny guitar on the front.

This made Alex preen as he had insisted on having it when Paula had taken him to do the weekly shop, because he knew that his uncle would love it and he craved his compliments.

"Thank you." He grinned, blushing. "Reminds me of you...your guitar."

"You sure do love the guitar don't you Lexi?" Peter laughed.

Alex let out a shrill giggle. 

Uncle Peter was the only one that called him Lexi and he loved it. His mother would occasionally let it slip but she didn't really like it, she felt it made her son sound like a whiny little girl.

"When I grow up I wanna be just like you." Alex stated, for the hundredth time in his life. "I wanna be in a band and play guitar as good as you."

"You'll be better than me Lexi." Peter play punched his arm. "You'll be better than me at everything little man. You're special."

"Special? Really?" Alex's squeaky little northern voice somehow rose a few octaves in his uncontainable excitement.

"The most special little boy in the world." Uncle Peter rocked him in his arms as the little boy scrambled into his lap.

"Tell me a story, Uncle, please." The little boy's head lulled onto the man's chest as he yawned.

"A story about the band?" He guessed. 

Alex nodded, that was all he ever wanted to hear about.

Peter told the story and Alex fell asleep, but he keep rocking him, ever so gently. He looked down at the sweet boy's face, his hair flopping over his eyes and sticking up at the top. He was so beautiful and innocent. Peter touched his thumb to the little boy's lips, smiling at how wet and soft they felt. He loved little Alex's cheeky little smile, how his pink lips framed his perfect little baby teeth. Alex was his favourite little friend and always would be. He would always be there for him as long as Alex returned the favour in his own little way. 

Alex enjoyed the secret games they played when no one was around. He didn't necessarily understand them but it was always worth it to earn an idyllic smile from his perfect uncle. He didn't understand why it had to be a secret and why his mother couldn't know. He wanted her to join in but Uncle Peter said she wouldn't enjoy it like they did. 

It was a boys' game and she was a smelly girl. 

They had fallen out over that.

Alex insisted that his mother wasn't smelly for hours on end until Peter apologised and played trains. 

Alex wasn't allowed to tell his friends either, or his other uncles and aunties, or anyone, not even Santa. He had wanted to tell Santa about the games in his last letter to the festive angel, to gloat about the fun he had with his uncle and request his uncle received half of his presents. Alex was such a generous child, and so appreciative. 

In all honesty, he didn't always like the games Uncle Peter wanted to play, especially the newer ones. He didn't like the pain and the fear they brought. His uncle would always calm him down and make him happy again, but now he pre-empted the pain. But he never told anyone because he was also incredibly loyal. 

He was such a perfect child, objectified to so much that he didn't understand. 

***

Alex had a crisis when he was 18 years old. He was in a band and they were going places. But he was also a drunk with nowhere to stay. He couldn't tell his mother and he was too proud to let his band mates know his entire life had gone to shit. He was greasy and unkept, and in no way innocent. He sofa-surfed for many months until he had been housed by every friend he had. There was only one place he had left. The one place in all the world he did not want to go. 

He knocked on Uncle Peter's door, drunk out of his head, holding a bin bag of his belongings. 

"Lexi." The hippy-haired man smiled, his teeth yellowed, his eyes sharp.

"Can I sleep on ya sofa?" 

Alex fell through the door, dumping his bag in the hall. 

"Haven't heard from you in a while, sweetheart." Peter pouted as they sat in the dingy front room, the curtains drawn.

"Got myself a band." Alex shrugged, looking at the floor, counting the cigarette butts.

"I told you you would!"

"We're good. Better than yours ever was."

Peter laughed, grabbing the box of cigarettes from the coffee table. The two men smoked in silence, Alex's skin threatening to crawl away from him, under his Uncle's leer. 

"You always had a sense of humour Lexi, I can never deny that." The older man chuckled, reaching out to ruffle Alex's hair.

Alex flinched, jerking his head away.

"It's Alex." His eyes flickered to his uncle's. 

"What?"

A long pause cut through the air uncomfortably. 

"I'm too old for nicknames." Alex laughed bitterly. 

"You'll never be too old Lexi, you know that." Peter reminded softly.

Alex laughed harder, smoke pouring out of his mouth.

"It's a shame you drink." 

"Huh?"

"You don't seem as innocent as you used to be," Peter sighed, his tone saddened.

"I'm not, Uncle Peter dearest." Alex smiled facetiously, forcing himself up.

He staggered to the bathroom, scattering his urine over the toilet seat.

"Always such a messy pup." Peter creaked open the door, his breath haggard and heavy.

Alex jumped, backing up against the sink.

He watched his uncle shut the door, clicking the lock.

"It's been too long since we've played." Peter purred, dragging a finger across the dirty wall.

"I'm too fucking old Peter." Alex snapped, his eyes dark.

"You'll never be too old." The uncle insisted, slamming his fist against the wall behind Alex, their faces suddenly close.

"The abuser's mantra." The trembling youth whispered in the lull. 

"I have never abused you Lexi, we just play." Peter shook his head, leaning in.

The air hung uncomfortably thick as the middle aged man kissed his nephew. Alex struggled against Peter's grip, trying to slip away. But he wasn't allowed. That wasn't part of the game.

"I've always loved you."

Alex whimpered.

"This is love Lexi." Peter stroked Alex's short mop of hair from his eyes, smiling. "I showed you these games so you would always know how much I loved you when we played."

"You said you'd never do it again." Alex sobbed, his eyes down. "When I told you I didn't want to play, you told me it was fine. You said - you SAID - that you would never do those things to me ever again."

"Sometimes you have to lie to the ones you love, little one." 

"I don't want to stay here. I changed my mind. I don't want to play." Alex struggled again, thrashing his shoulders around.

Peter's hands clamped down, pushing him against the opposite wall, his hand on the young man's hip.

"Tell Uncle Peter how much you love him."

"No."

"Like you used to."

Alex cried harder.

"I'll let you play with my guitar, the one you loved, I still have it! It's still got all the stickers you gave me on it."

"I'm 19 Peter." Alex stared, bleary eyed. 

"I preferred you at 8 I suppose, you were more fun." Peter mused, for show. "You've seen too much now. But then at least you're...experienced."

"Can't you just get a boyfriend?" Alex spat, still shaking, but now with anger.

"I'm not gay." His uncle yanked him forward by his hair, slamming him against the bathroom door, the handle digging into his back sharply. "Wash your mouth out dirty boy."

"Get a girlfriend then, or a prostitute if you can't manage it. Just...don't do this."

"Lexi." Peter backed off, sitting on the closed toilet seat lid with a sigh. "You never used to ruin our games like this, it makes me very sad."

"Just let me sleep on your sofa and then I'll go in the morning, please. I won't mention this again."

"You'll stay until I say." Peter rolled his eyes, as if that was obvious.

"But I-"

"No you don't." He stood, pushing Alex out of the way and opening the door, gesturing for him to follow down the stairs. "You don't have any gigs until next Friday - I've seen your schedule, your mother showed me."

They were back in the living room, Alex on the sofa, Peter standing over him.

"Do you want me to read you a story?"

"No."

"Okay." Peter sat on the arm of the sofa, leaning over and stroking Alex's hair as he forced him to lay down. "This one is about you." He pulled a blanket over the young man. 

Alex shivered, overwhelmed by the realisation that he was slipping into the role of the helpless submissive once again.

"There once was a beautiful little boy called Lexi. His uncle adored him and he loved his uncle back. They played games every day and had so much fun."

Peter's hand slipped under the blanket and into Alex's trousers.

"They laughed together and were best friends. Lexi lost his way when he got older but Uncle Peter put him back on the right track - with a little game."

"I don't want to play." Alex sobbed, restrained by his blanket.

Peter smiled, moving his hand faster and harder, his other hand slipping into his own trousers.

"Shush Lexi, you know how to play this game." Peter reminded softly. "It used to be your favourite."

***

When Alex's mother had found him she was distraught. Peter had been holding him hostage at the house but one afternoon, when his capturer had gone shopping, Alex had managed to escape. He was laying on his back on the front lawn, covered in bruises, gasping. Paula had come over to ask her brother if he had heard from his nephew. At least now she knew.

She gathered Alex up into her arms and called an ambulance. She called the police when Peter returned, staring at the scene before him. He confessed almost triumphantly and was given a life sentence. Alex cried in court for four days straight, giving statement after statement about his last 18 years of life. He cried harder when the lawyers summarised the crimes in harsh, unambiguous words.

"Fellatio."

"Ejaculate."

"Sodomised."

"Violated."

Alex gagged at the words being used to describe his ordeal. 

He felt disgusting and used, like a whore. 

As a child he never realised what was happening or how it could be wrong. At the age of 14, when puberty hit, he discovered porn. He was glad to be home alone because he had screamed for hours. He recognised so much - too much - that was happening. They were playing the same games that Uncle Peter had taught him. Except that they weren't playing and what they were doing most definitely weren't games. His eyes flickered to the gay porn so he thought he would just - oh GOD - it was all exactly the same. It was as if he was watching back one of their games. Alex cried and threw up, inconsolable by his mother when she returned. 

He couldn't explain. He could hardly talk. 

He avoided his uncle but the game would always find him. 

***

They were having dinner at Alex's mother's house when Eliza found out. Paula was shaking all evening, as she usually did in Alex's company. They still had a good relationship but what had happened a matter of years ago haunted her, more than it did Alex. How could she not have seen it? Her own brother! She encouraged Alex to love him, to show him toys, to be babysat. She led her child into the arms of evil. She couldn't forgive herself and she couldn't forget the details of what had happened to her child. 

Paula warmed to Eliza. They laughed at each other's jokes and talked about clothes. Alex was happy to see his two favourite women smile. His mother actually looked happy, for the first time in what felt like decades. They were drinking wine and swapping anecdotes when Eliza's eyes flickered to a family photo that Paula had forgotten to burn. 

"I didn't know you had a brother Paula," she widened her eyes, identifying the undeniable likeness.

Paula dropped her glass, her eyes burning into Alex's face.

"You haven't told her?" She shrieked.

Eliza frowned.

"Why the fuck would I tell her?" Alex growled, standing up and gesturing for his mother to be quiet.

"Because it's part of who you are Alex!" Paula's features softened. "They said you should tell future partners if you want to be emotionally free."

"Ok,what the hell is going on?" Eliza's stomach dropped as she patted Alex's chair, desperate for him to take a seat and act normally. 

"Lexi, tell her."

"Don't call me that! Don't you dare fucking call me that! You know you can't call that!" Alex screamed, clutching his face and staring down at the table cloth.

"I'm sorry." Paula sighed. "Darling, I'm so sorry."

She rose from her seat and leant over her son's, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, rocking him.

Eliza watched in horror. 

It was like this house had triggered something inside of him. He was mess, and so so so vulnerable. It scared Eliza because she was so used to seeing him take charge. He was normally so slick and cool. But now he was weeping.

"Eliza," he rubbed his eyes dry with the back of his hands. "My...uncle...did some things to me when I was younger...he's," - gulp - "in prison now."

The room fell silent and Paula took her seat again at the head of the table.

"It's exactly how it sounds, probably worse, but it's why I'm fucked up." Alex summarised dryly, gulping his wine until his glass was empty. 

"I-"

"You don't have to say anything, love." He interrupted Eliza's attempt, shaking his head slowly. "I don't expect you to know what to say."

"I'm so sorry." Eliza gasped, being the last to move from her seat, sitting on Alex's lap and hugging him tightly.

She rubbed his back and he couldn't help but cry once more. Paula cleared the table as they embraced. Eliza ran her hands through Alex's hair gently, whispering "sorry" over and over again. Alex calmed down a few moments after he had began crying, wrapping his arms around Eliza in return. He rocked her like he had been so many times before. However, Eliza refused to cry herself, she didn't deserve to. 

Paula made coffee and they drank it graciously. They began to act as if the confession never happened. Alex and Eliza joked about how they had met and Paula laughed. She told stories about Alex when he was younger, before the abuse had started, and they all laughed. They filled the remainder of the evening with laughter so they didn't cry.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little happier yay
> 
>  
> 
> feedback??

Alex stayed in Eliza's apartment for a couple of days after the dinner. They needed to talk and Eliza wanted to keep an eye on him. He knew this but he didn't say anything, he just smiled. Years of therapy had eased the pain so retelling it hadn't tipped him over the edge. In fact, it freed him. Alex felt as if he could say anything to Eliza now without being scared she'd question too far into his family background. She knew the big secret. She knew the truth about Alex Turner and she was still there.

"Benny!" Alex called, setting the cat's food down on the kitchen floor. "Dinner!"

He watched the cat eat, it's tail swishing over his feet. He leant back on the counter top, losing himself in the sweet sight before him. He turned and sank to the floor, leaning against the fridge this time, running his fingers through Benny's static fur. 

"Thought I'd find you two in here." Eliza smiled as she appeared in the doorway, her bags dragging along the floor.

Alex jumped up, grinning sheepishly.

"What have you been up to?" Eliza called as she walked through to the living room, putting her bags by her easel.

"Met up with the boys back at the house." Alex followed. "Then I grabbed lunch and came here, been fussing over the bloody cat since I got through the door."

"I guessed as much." Eliza giggled, squaring up to her house guest.

She wrapped her arms around Alex's neck and they embraced for what seemed like an eternity. She peppered his neck in kisses as he hoisted her legs up onto his hips, his hands supporting her bum.

"I missed you today." Eliza whispered, rolling her eyes as she realised Alex was carrying her to the bedroom.

"Missed you too." Alex grunted, setting her down on the bed and settling between her legs, their faces level.

"Guess what I did today." Eliza ran her fingers through Alex's hair causally.

"What?" He shivered, enjoying her touch.

"I squeezed a tube of paint too hard and it went into my eye," Eliza burst out laughing, the memory tickling her.

Alex laughed too, until tears streamed from his face. They rolled around the bed, holding each other and laughing.

"It was like I'd rehearsed it," Eliza shook her head, wheezing. "I was actually screaming and running around the office - like something you see on tv."

"What am I gonna do with you, eh?" Alex couldn't help but smile as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

He let out a short chuckle before leaning in and kissing her softly. Eliza responded equally as gentle, stroking his jaw with her palm. Alex smiled into her mouth, dropping down to his elbows so he could reach out and stroke her side.

"Do you wanna order a pizza?" Alex breathed as their lips parted.

Eliza nodded, staring into his eyes for a moment longer before getting off the bed and straightening out her clothes. 

They stumbled to the living room, stretching out on opposite ends of the sofa, Benny between them. Alex ordered the pizza as Benny clawed at his socks.

"So..." Eliza sighed, rubbing a hand up Alex's jean clad leg. "How are you?"

Alex smirked, rolling his eyes.

"Love, I'm fine, I could do without the pity party."

"This isn't a pity party, I just...care...ya know?" Eliza shrugged, rolling up his trouser leg absentmindedly so she could touch his bare skin.

"I know, I know, but it's my past." His voice lowered as if he didn't want Benny to hear.

"Yeah but-"

"Nope." Alex cut her off. "It fucked me up for too long El, let's just be normal."

A stalemate-type silence drifted between them.

"Alright, sorry." Eliza lifted Benny off of the sofa so she could crawl over to Alex and into his lap. 

She kissed him sweetly, as an apology.

He kissed back firmly, as an acceptance.

***

Eliza had been up since half 5, pacing around her apartment. In approximately 14 hours her art exhibition was going to start and potentially change her life forever. Eliza loved being commissioned - without it she wouldn't have met Alex - but she had always wanted a little more from her art. Several promoters had approached her over the years, flicking through her portfolio, offering her exhibitions and cocktail nights. But she had turned them down because she just wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to rely solely on her mind for ideas and allow her inspirations to be so readily criticised.

Alex had pushed her though. He saw her art as extraordinary - out of this world - and wanted it to be out there more than she did. So he snuck around and found her a good sponsor, who liked her artwork almost as much as he did. He connected the dots and gave Eliza no choice but to accept the offer, even if she was a little apprehensive. 

She employed a few trusted temps to man her studio so she could take a few months off. She had so much work to do - she never thought she'd manage. Of course she had a few original canvases, but most of her self-inspired work had been sketched in a pad or the back of a napkin and shoved into her folder. She ordered boxes and boxes of resources and set about translating her favourite ideas because, after all, she had to have something to show.

She'd incorporated a few photography pieces also - a polaroid covered canvas; littered in close up pictures of leaves and bark mounted into the rough shape of a willow tree, and several canvas printed pictures of Alex. He had objected but after a few guttural screams about how "this was all his fault" and that he should of thought of whether or not he wanted to be her muse before "signing her up for the most impossible task in the history of man" he had no choice but to accept. The images were misted with a smoke film as Eliza felt Alex looked the most beautiful when he smoked. She took one of him in his garden in those weather-beaten shorts and nothing else, his hair natural. She took another of him smoking in her bed with all white linen draped off of his body, his quiff slick and shiny. He looked majestic in both although he, of course, just didn't see it.

Eliza was showered and dressed by 6 am, pacing the kitchen as her coffee brewed. She stirred her mug one time too many and drank quickly, her stomach churning. She grabbed her sketch pad and jumped into her car, almost speeding to the studio. She launched herself up the stairs, quickly picking up where she left off on her last canvas. She hadn't left anything to chance but somehow she still had a piece to finish. Her stomach growled in between churns but she ignored it, mixing all the shades of blue hoping she would produce the colour that was in her head.

3 hours passed before Eliza's body began begging for a cigarette. She sighed, deciding her work needed time to dry before she could add more detail anyway. She rooted around in her desk for her emergency pack and climbed out onto the windowsill, dangling her legs over the edge. Thankfully the office below them had built a roofed balcony so if she was to fall she wouldn't necessarily fall to her death immediately. That comforted her slightly.

"You're not gonna jump are ya?" Alex laughed from behind her as he came through the door.

She rolled her eyes at the faint droll of his voice.

"Come back inside you maniac." He spoke a little firmer, placing his hands on her shoulders and manoeuvring her away from the window.

"I was just smoking," she laughed as they sat on the tiny sofa in the makeshift waiting area of the studio.

"You smoke inside as well." He reminded, taking a cigarette from her pack and lighting it. "I brought you breakfast." Alex gestured to the paper bag in his hand containing pastries from the bakery around the corner, two Costa coffees already on the table.

Eliza ripped the bag from his hands, eating a croissant in two giant bites. Her stomach praised her, growling a little quieter this time.

"So you didn't eat breakfast," Alex commented, raising an eyebrow disapprovingly.

"Of course not," she handed him the bag, half way through a pain au chocolat. "I've been up since 5 - freaking out!"

"Why?" He rubbed her arm, taking another drag of his cigarette. "It's gonna be so great, you've been working on it for months love."

"Yeah but...I just don't know if it's good enough...so stressed about people I know being there...what if it flops?" Eliza widened her eyes, sipping her coffee and flicking the ash from her cigarette onto the glass coffee table.

"Doll, it won't." Alex kissed her forehead, a playful grin on his face. "You're gonna make us all so proud."

"Shut up, you sound like a grandma." Eliza teased although his words gave her a slight boost of confidence.

"Well I am old," he shrugged, draining his coffee and standing up, inspecting her last canvas.

It was a beach scene. 

Huge swirling waves lined the piece with a tiny patch of sand in the foreground, tiny footprints littered across it, leading up to a spade stuck in the sand. It was incredible how much detail she had maintained in the waves. All she had left to fill was the top layer of sea and then it would be perfect. 

Alex could see that.

"Ya know," he cocked his hip as Eliza approached. "I might buy this one myself." 

"Don't you dare!" Eliza narrowed her eyes, poking him in the ribs. "If I catch you buying them all there will be repercussions!"

"I weren't gonna buy them all!" He defended, clutching his side. "I don't want the ones of me."

"Shush." She stubbed out her cigarette on the edge of her easel, reaching up and placing a finger to Alex's open lips.

He grabbed her wrist, moving her hand to his hip and taking one last drag before stubbing out his cigarette also. 

Alex placed each of his large hands on Eliza's back, pulling her close and hugging her in silence. 

It was strange, but Eliza melted into his hold nonetheless, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You'll be fine." He breathed into her neck, pecking at her soft skin innocently. "You're more than ready for this, trust me."

Eliza sighed, nodding.

"Ya big idiot." Alex added under his breath, knowing she heard.

*** 

Eliza stalked out of the taxi, shivering as the cold night air surrounded her. She went walked through reception and into the staff room around the back of the studio they were renting for her exhibition. She paced around the room a few times before stopping in front of the full length mirror, frowning. She smoothed down her long black dress, easing the spaghetti straps back onto her shoulders. She was glad of her tall chunky heels because they lengthened out her body and gave her a trim silhouette as opposed to the rather lumpy one she had without them. Her hair was back-combed and clipped up, her split fringe still framing her face. One of her friends from art college had come over to do her make up and she quite liked it. It was dark and smokey with nude coloured lips and thick false eyelashes. It wasn't too much, but it sort of made her appear more professional. 

She perched on the arm of the battered sofa and fished her phone out of her black, suede clutch. She smiled as she saw Alex's name had popped up on her lock screen.

Alex: are you excited yet? I'll be there in 10 x

She checked the time and instantly felt calm at the thought that Alex was only a few minutes away now. She needed his vote of confidence right now, with only half an hour to go before people would start arriving. She needed this to go well and she needed to make some sales. She was alright for money but she wanted some proper savings for her future. She'd always lived in the moment but as she grew older and became exposed to the tragedies of the modern world, she realised she'd have to make some precautions.

"Eliza, darling!" Rebecca, the promoter, burst through the door, clipboard in hand. "You look absolutely stunning!"

"Oh, thank you." Eliza blushed, standing up.

"Right, so show time is nearing!" The middle-aged woman grinned, clapping excitedly, pushing her curly hair back. "Got a few people already looking round, they all look happy and-"

"Whoa, what? People are already here?!" Eliza widened her eyes.

"Well yeah, we always have early entry, the key to success is never keep your customers waiting!"

"So, should I go out now?"

"Oh god, no! We don't want you to go out until the exhibition is well under way! You don't want to make a silent entrance, do you?" Rebecca pulled a face, laughing, as if it was all so obvious.

Eliza nodded and watched her leave busily.

Rebecca was nice. Alex said that she used to promote Arctic Monkeys back in the day and did a really good job. The only reason she parted from them was because they wanted to break America but she couldn't go because she was heavily pregnant and trying to raise a family. So she put her career on hold and picked it up in a more low key manner. Rebecca had always been interested in art, apparently, so her and Eliza had clicked instantly. 

"Knock, knock." Eliza's thoughts were broken by Alex's melodic voice from the other side of the door.

"Come in," she laughed, rolling her eyes.

Alex breezed into the room, his strong cologne filling the air. He stood with a cocked hip, wearing a crisp maroon suit with a tight black shirt beneath it. His quiff was looser and fluffier than normal which made him look younger and somehow more irresistible.

"Eliza...shit." His eyes were blown as she came into view. "You look so so so beautiful."

"Oh shush." Eliza closed the space between them, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You always smell so good."

Alex closed his eyes, running his hands down her back and over her hips. His body buzzed as he felt every curve of her body over the tight dress. He'd never seen her look so classy yet sexy. He didn't know whether he wanted to rip her dress off with his teeth or take her to the opera.

"Are you feeling me up?" She giggled, wriggling under his touch.

"Hm? Yeah," Alex moaned softly, trailing his fingers over her backside.

"Not now, bad boy," she removed his hands, her cheeks flushed.

Alex coughed, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Sorry love, got carried away," 

***

The exhibition turned out to be a huge success. 

Eliza made her big entrance 15 minutes after the official opening time, as instructed by Rebecca. The room was filled with people - filled to the brim - and they all clapped as she entered the studio. Her mother clapped the loudest, grabbing onto Alex's arm as soon as he came near. Carmen and her boyfriend cheered, taking their need to embarrass to a new level. Big Dave and Anthony skulked in the corner, grinning into their free champagne. 

Eliza made eye contact with Alex when she stood at the front and prepared to give her opening speech. He gave her a slick little wink and she couldn't help grinning like a stupid school girl. She thanked everyone and explained the piece of art nearest to her when she forgot what she was going to say. She thanked Alex especially as he was her model - she gestured to the photographs and everyone made an audible noise. He ducked his head, saluting the crowd modestly as she laughed. 

The photos sold first, predictably. Alex rolled his eyes as he saw the excitable woman, her eyes pouring over his scantily clad image. Eliza shrugged it off, saying that a sell was a sell. Her paintings started to filter out next, for higher prices than she imagined. Alex bought the waves painting, as he said he would, for way more than Eliza's estimate. She couldn't deter him though. He insisted that he loved it so much he just had to have it. She said she'd just give it to him but he cut her off, explaining that he didn't want mates rates, she deserved a fee.

At the end of the night Eliza had made a sizeable profit. After paying Rebecca she still had more than she had anticipated at her disposal. Her mother and Alex were both brimming with pride as they looked at the empty studio. 

"Don't you feel sad giving away all of your paintings?" Jackie rubbed Eliza's shoulder.

"Not really," Eliza shrugged. "I painted them to be sold, mum."

"I suppose...but I kind of miss them."

Eliza shot her an odd look.

"I'm happy I bought mine before they all got sold." Alex grinned, wrapping his arms around her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder.

"Don't think I'm going to forgive you, Ally Pally." Eliza elbowed him, twisting in his arms so he could see her unimpressed face.

"Shush." He pecked her lips. "I'm putting it up in the music room with your other work."

"Creepy super fan." Eliza muttered, unable to hide the smirk that was curling in the corner of her mouth.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back yo

Alex and the boys piled into the back of the mini-van, sweat glistening on their foreheads. Alex wriggled out of his shirt on the backseat, swabbing his bare torso with the towel he had grabbed on his way out. 

"You were on fire tonight, mate." Jamie nudged his knee.

"Yeah, cracking one liners," Matt nodded, throwing his own towel into the footwell. 

"Stop flattering me, will ya?" Alex chuckled, rolling his eyes.

The vehicle pulled into the hotel and they were swiftly led into the lift. Alex fished around in his rucksack, pulling out his key, along with a bottle of water. They fell out of the lift on the fourth floor, grunting at each other as they split off in search of their own rooms.

Alex dumped his bag on the bed, pulling his laptop out and setting it to one side. He padded into the en suite and removed the remainders of his clothes. He flicked the shower on, waiting a few moments until the water heated up. Alex sighed as the water hit him, raking his fingers through his hair, starting the laborious process of removing the tonnes of wax and gel. He lathered up the shampoo, humming beneath his breath. He washed it out before washing his body, stepping out and wrapping himself in a huge white towel that was enjoyably soft against his skin. He dried his hair with a heavy hand before pulling on a clean pair of boxers from his bag.

A few moments later and Alex was situated comfortably in his plush hotel bed. He'd added an oversized hoodie to his outfit as the air chilled around him, adding to his comfort. Alex liked the simpler things in life. He liked warmth and hot drinks, and baggy clothes. He liked to hide and feel safe because of it. At heart he had always been a recluse.

Alex opened his laptop and waited for it to set up. He double-clicked Skype and quickly scrolled down his comments, eager to see one name in particular. Embarrassingly, his heart missed a beat when he saw Eliza's name had a little green symbol beside it. He clicked call and moved the laptop to a more flattering angle.

"Hello dude, great to see you again." The screen was filled with Benny's face, a horrifically patchy impression of a man's voice pouring through the speakers.

Alex laughed, waving to the confused cat. 

Benny mewed, tapping his paw on the screen. He huffed as he failed to reach Alex, trying again anyway. 

"Sorry little man," Alex chuckled sympathetically as the cat's features became more agitated.

"Maybe you should go and cool off," finally he got to hear Eliza's voice as she lifted Benny down from the bed and came into view.

Alex grinned.

"Hi loser," she licked her lips.

"Hiya love, how are you?"

"I'm alright, what about you rockstar?" Eliza teased.

"I'm good, we had a good show tonight, I actually managed to speak in between songs."

"More than just the word 'fuck'?" 

"Yes." Alex rolled his eyes. "Intros, anecdotes, the whole lot!"

"Wow, I am impressed," Eliza gave him a little clap, adjusting her pillow and crossing her legs, titling her screen accordingly.

"I need a fucking cuddle."

The pair shared a silent smile at Alex's frank words.

"I would cuddle the shit out of you right now." Eliza laughed, sighing.

"So what have you been up to?" Alex quickly changed the subject, hoping to erase his moment of weakness from their memories.

"Painting- what else?" Eliza shrugged. "Oh, and staring at the same four walls waiting for you to come back."

"Whoa, someone's sad and lonely." Alex teased.

"Shut up, I'm not the one sending seven texts at a time."

"Yeah, well, I had a rush of thoughts, didn't I?"

"I suppose you did, darling."

Alex's face contorted, his cheeks burning.

"What?"

"Nothing love, it's just-" he paused, itching his nose. "You've never called me a pet name before."

"And you like it?" Eliza giggled, shuffling under her duvet. 

"Yeah, I think I do actually." Alex admittedly begrudgingly. 

"Quite an embarrassment aren't you?" Eliza whispered.

He nodded, smirking. 

Eliza grinned.

-

On their last show Alex felt as if he was going to catch alight. 

His body buzzed as he moved around the stage, his guitar nudging against his hips. He licked his lips, surveying the crowd, judging peoples' reactions to his crude dance moves. His voice was deeper than normal, oozing over each track. His throat was slick with saliva as he found himself unable to stop swallowing. He bit his lip, his teeth digging in deep and harsh. 

Alex was desperately, and uncontrollably, horny.

Each vaguely sexual verse projected an image of Eliza into his head. An image of Eliza in such an intimate manner, in a way that made his body spasm. He hid it all the best he could, with his guitar shoved against the unsightly bulge in his jeans. Alex tried to calm himself with the reality that they would be going home tomorrow so he could be as indulgent as he wanted. But that only heightened the visions of his desire. 

Alex was almost panting as they reached the encore, fishing a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it with shaky hands. He had never been happier to see Miles come on and take a solo in his whole life. He stood back, taking long drags and groaning out the self-penned lyrics. He pushed back his quiff, drumming his fingers against his thigh as an instrumental verse gave him a second to breathe.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Miles hissed into Alex's ear as the pair collided.

"Need to get laid." Alex grunted simply, squaring up to the mic and picking up on the chorus.

As soon as the song finished Alex rushed off stage, offering a quick thumbs up to the crowd before disappearing. 

Alex's hand found its way down his trousers the moment he reached his hotel room. He moaned as he fell back onto the bed, inching his jeans down his legs so his hand could move more freely.

He searched through his phone quickly, tapping through his photos until he found the collection from his holiday with Eliza. He sighed with both pleasure and relief when he reach a bikini shot. He stared at the photo, animating it in his mind, walking her long legs across the beach. She approached him, in this fantasy, and dropped to her knees. Her delicate fingers traced patterns across his inner thighs, causing his hand to tighten in reality. Alex gasped, nodding to himself and concluding that was exactly what he wanted. He licked his lips, his imagination placing Eliza's hand where his touch swept. She palmed him through his boxers, licking her way into his mouth  
before - 

BUZZ. BUZZ. BUZZ.

"Oh what the fuck?" Alex groaned, moving his hand slower as he reached over for his phone.

It was Eliza.

"Hiya love." He answered with a grumble, looking down at his erection sympathetically.

"Al...ex!" Eliza stumbled drunkenly.

"Really?" He grumbled, pulling his boxers back up begrudgingly.

"What?" She giggled. "Before you say anything - yes I'm a bit...tipsy - but that doesn't matter because my friends have gone home so now I'm alone so you have to talk to me."

"I was kind of in the middle of...something." Alex rolled his eyes, sitting up against the headboard.

"Wait...are you on stage right now? Am I on loud speaker? Oh my GOD! Hello wembley!" Eliza screamed down the phone.

Alex widened his eyes in amazement at her state and burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Alex!" Eliza whined. "Are you not on stage?"

"No, ya mess, I'm in my hotel room."

"Oh." She paused. "That's boring."

"Look, Eliza, I think you should try and sleep this off." Alex's eyes flickered to the time before they laid upon an abstract painting hanging from the far wall.

"You should sleep me off." Eliza declared confidently.

Alex frowned. 

"When are you coming home Al?"

"Tomorrow evening - really late though."

"I'm gonna bake you a cake then."

"When you're sober yeah?"

"Sure."

Alex narrowed his eyes at his phone, listening out for any disobedient pot or pan noises.

"Alex...do you like me?" Eliza breathed down the phone, clattering into her room.

"Yes darling." Alex sighed. "I do quite like ya."

"It's just...I found a post-it note in one of the kitchen cupboards...from you...saying you loved me..."

Alex blushed even though he knew she wouldn't remember this conversation in the morning.

"Did ya really?" He played along.

"Yeah."

"What did ya think?"

"Bit weird...thought boys were meant to be icky." She laughed into the end of her sentence, rolling around on her bed.

"I think I might leave ya to it..." Alex suggested.

"Okay." Eliza sighed with disappointment. "I'll sleep then."

"Good idea," Alex yawned, smirking slightly at the thought of how embarrassed Eliza would be the next morning.

"See you tomorrow maybe okay?"

"Why maybe?"

"Dunno."

Before Alex could even begin to question her response she had hung up and texted him a picture of Benny's tail.

He decided to put his phone to one side and just go to sleep. The moment had been ruined and he convinced himself it would be better to release his tension with Eliza. Alex smiled into his pillow as he thought about their first embrace after so long. How Eliza would blush when he mentioned the phone call. How he would twirl tiny strands of her hair around his fingers.

Alex groaned.

He was kind of falling for her.

-

The wind whirled at Alex's window, branches of the nearest tree rattling furiously and begging for entry. The duvet incapsulated the sleepy twosome, insulating their warmth and keeping the chill of the morning's air at bay. 

"I wanna smoke." Alex mumbled. "But I can't be fucked to move."

"Hm." Eliza nodded half heartedly into his chest.

Silence resumed.

In recent months Benny had become Alex's houseguest. The pair always alternated where they stayed but neither of them wanted to leave the needy cat alone. So Benny was given the tour and a new bed and he settled in happily. Of course he regularly ignored his specially purchased bed in favour for the end of Alex's. That's where he resided that morning, clawing at Eliza's feet over the duvet.

"Benny wants food." She groaned, rubbing her palm up over Alex's hip.

"I don't know why you're touching me like that love, I'm not moving."

"Alex," Eliza pouted, lifting her head so he could see her expression.

"Nope." Alex chuckled, ruffling her hair. "He's your baby."

"You like him more." Eliza reminded, brushing her lips over Alex's stomach, kissing all the way up to his throat hungrily. "We could have tea in bed?"

Alex whined from the back of his throat, pulling a face as Eliza nipped at his earlobe, straddling his waist.

"You're a fucking menace Eliza." Alex shifted beneath her, pushing his hips up.

Eliza giggled, tucking a wisp of hair behind his ear before kissing it.

"Miss me?" She whispered as he quivered against her touch.

"Hm." Alex grunted, pushing his hands beneath Eliza's bent form and rolling her back onto her side of the bed with a sharp slap to her behind. "I'll feed the bloody cat but you're making the tea."

Eliza let out an exaggerated heavy sigh, listening to Alex's lazy footsteps thump down the stairs. She heaved herself out of bed and pulled on a t-shirt from Alex's drawer. She followed Benny down the stairs, peeling the hair band off of her wrist and shoving her hair up.

"Why does cat food have to smell so bad?" Alex cringed as he set the hungry cat's bowl down.

"Because it's livers and jelly." Eliza snorted, hoisting herself up onto the kitchen island, swinging her legs.

Alex pulled a face, slotting two pieces of bread into the toaster. 

"I see you've got to the stage where you're just helping yourself to my clothes." 

"What's yours is mine." Eliza grinned, jumping down and trailing a fingertip down Alex's spine.

Alex let out a low groan as her touch spanned across his shoulder, fingers crawling tentatively into his hair.

"El," Alex's eyes fell shut as he leaned his head back. "I did miss ya, ya know."

"So you told me," Eliza smiled, squeezing Alex's shoulders as he turned to face her.

"Ya make me vulnerable." Alex whined as the toast popped up behind them.

"It's called behind human?"

"You proper wind me up, you do." He rolled his eyes, shaking off her affections and buttering their toast. 

"You love it Ally." 

"Oi, love, don't call me that, makes me sound like a girl!" Alex set the place of toast on the island and the pair sat and picked at the bread, Benny swishing his tail over their feet.

"You moan like one." Eliza nudged him, kissing his cheek. 

Alex narrowed his eyes.

Eliza laughed.

"Look, me and the lads are going down to Sheffield in a few days to visit family and stuff and I...well ya could come and meet my mum," Alex scratched the back of his neck, his eyes low and guarded. "Under better circumstances, ya know?"

Eliza finished her toast, putting their plate in the sink.

"I'd love to," she smiled, almost flattered he had asked, especially since his family had been the forbidden topic for so long. "Feel like I should bring her one of the paintings of you or something?

"She'd like that." He shrugged. "She'll have you out in the garden with her, she's got a real thing for flowers recently."

Eliza made coffee and Alex kept talking fondly about his mother. He placed his hands either side of Eliza's thigh, rubbing at her soft skin firmly. Alex found himself being involuntarily affectionate as he excitedly painted a perfect picture of his most beloved family member. He then expanded onto his aunties and uncles, and even his cousin, wanting Eliza to know all the good things now, instead of the bad. 

Eliza listened dotingly, beyond delighted that Alex was opening up to her, completely unprovoked. 

This was a first for the pair, and also a first for Alex, ever. 

He had never opened up like this, especially about the one thing he truly cared about - his mother.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back again!
> 
> There is a reason for the sudden extra back story, got a few ideas on where this can go ok, I haven't just gone insane hahah
> 
> Also I wrote some of the sections many weeks apart so sorry if some of it seems kind of disjointed

The traffic built and Alex groaned, leaning his head back into the car seat. Eliza drummed her fingers on open window, staring out into the aligning woods.

"Traffic?" Matt whined from the back seat, "again?"

"That's life mate." Alex sighed. 

"Did we have to bring the cat?" 

"Yes." Eliza answered sharply, shuffling down in her seat, dangling her legs out of the window.

"But he-"

"Yes." Alex reinforced. 

Benny meowed into the silence, swishing his tail across the rails of his carry case.

"It's feels like we're your estranged children." Matt huffed, poking the tufts of fur sticking out.

"You are, aren't you?" Alex raised an eyebrow, pulling into the next lane as the car in front of them moved.

"Very funny."

"Matt you could be in a car with Libby right now, your choice." Eliza reminded, bringing her legs back in.

"She's just not...parents...material." He chose his words carefully. "She's very-"

"Possessive and insane?"

"-particular." Matt corrected. "My mum will hate her, and think she's a posh bitch."

"Which she is?" Alex snorted. 

"Alex, play nice." Eliza play-punched his arm although she couldn't suppress her smile. 

"Babe, she gave me a book for my last birthday, a fucking book!"

"You like reading?"

"Not about cooking the perfect flan!"

"She was just trying to help you in the kitchen!" Matt defended. "You're just being ungrateful."

"Hey, I always thought your mum was a good judge of character!"

"Can we stop arguing about Libby?" Eliza laughed, grazing her knuckles over Alex's thigh. 

"Alright love," Alex shot her a crocked smile. "Matt, my boy, will you and your mother be joining us for dinner tonight?"

"Should be, are Jamie and Nick not coming?"

"Jamie is, I think, but Nick ain't up for it." Alex shrugged. "He said that he wants to take his dad fishing or something."

They pulled off of the motorway and into Sheffield. Eliza felt excited to be spending some hopefully normal with Alex's mother, without his haunting past. 

-

"El!" 

"Yeah?"

"Benny did a shit in my washing machine."

Eliza stopped in her tracks, staring, horrified, at Paula.

"Please tell me you're joking?" She cringed.

"Nope," Paula chuckled, red wine in hand. "I've cleaned it up doll, I just thought you should know."

"You're...laughing?"

"Alex always used to poo in the bath when he was a lad," she rolled her eyes. "Nothing I haven't seen before, it was just funny."

"Did you catch him in the act?" Eliza giggled, pouring herself a glass of white wine and leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Walking away from the scene of the crime!" Paula took a gulp from her glass. "I asked him what he thought he was doing but he just used his cat charm."

"He's a little bitch of a cat isn't he?"

"The ones we love often are," Alex's mother shrugged, looking out into the garden where the others were sitting on the patio at the far end, smoking or drinking, and laughing.

"Can we talk about Alex?" Eliza pushed herself up onto the counter top, her glass clutched to her chest.

"Sure love," Paula gulped, pulling out a chair from the table in the centre of the room. "What do you wanna know?"

"I...have you ever met his girlfriends?"

She thought for a moment, "I met one by accident once. I'd gone over to Alex's house with a cake to celebrate an album launch or something and some ditsy redhead answered the door."

Eliza pulled a face, trying to hide her true distaste. 

"They weren't together long." Paula reassured. "That's why he didn't want me to meet her, he wasn't...sure yet."

"So, do you think he's...sure...about me?" Eliza's cheeks blushed.

"Oh, yeah, he's pretty sure about ya, my dear."

"Really?"

Paula laughed.

"What?"

"I just don't know why you wouldn't see that, he brought you home to his mumma, that's all ya need!"

Eliza laughed too, shrugging her shoulders as she drained her glass.

"Eh, ladies!" Alex crashed into the kitchen, his face shiny from the hot heat of the sun.

"Hiya, another beer?" His mother offered.

"Nope, just wanted to see how my two favourite girls were getting on," Alex grinned sheepishly, looping an arm around Eliza's shoulders.

"Exactly how drunk are you?" She narrowed her eyes.

"Enough." Alex kissed her cheek messily, slurping from her wine glass. 

Paula rolled her eyes and grabbed another bottle of wine, taking Alex's place in the garden.

"Alone at last." Alex grabbed Eliza's hips, making her squeal. 

"Al, you're pissed." She stared into his blown pupils, grazing her thumb over his sharp cheekbone.

"But still capable." He wiggled his hips against hers.

Eliza laughed, shaking her head but leaning back in his arms.

"What were ya talking to my mum about?" Alex squinted, sipping more from Eliza's glass, his forehead pressed hard into her temple, his lips to her ear.

"You, of course."

"Good things?"

"Yeah, your mum thinks you really like me."

"Something like that." Alex kissed her ear, pulling his arm away from around her shoulders and standing in the doorway of the back porch. "Ya see my mum?"

Eliza followed his gaze to the giggling woman who was sharing the bottle of wine with Jamie's mum.

"Uhuh."

"She is the single most important thing in my life." Alex declared. "I would take every bullet that a man could shoot for her, over and over again."

"I know-"

"I wouldn't bring you here if I didn't...like...ya." He swayed as he came back to Eliza, holding one of her hands delicately, like a china cup he was afraid would smash. "I know I'm a stupid drunk, but you've been so good for me, ya know?"

"You're not getting all soppy on me, are you?" Eliza grinned, play punching his jaw.

"Shush." Alex pressed a finger unevenly to her lips. "I'm trying to tell ya all the things you've wanted to hear for...ages."

Eliza nodded and he removed his finger when he was satisfied with her silence.

"My mates like ya, my mum likes ya and I...well I sort of...ya know...love ya." Alex blushed as the words left his mouth. "I know I've said it before but I back tracked didn't I? Cos I was scared."

"You don't have to justify it Al," Eliza placed a featherlight kiss to the bridge of Alex's nose. "You told me about your past, it makes sense to me now."

"No," Alex shook is head, shifting their position so he was leaning against the counter top, pulling Eliza in to rest between his legs, her hands on his jean clad thighs. "I feel it. I actually fucking love you. Like, properly."

Eliza giggled - GIGGLED, for the love of god, since when did she start doing that? - and let a wide grin stretch across her face.

"So...yeah." Alex shrugged. "That's where I'm at."

Eliza leaned up in the lull of silence that followed, tilting her head and preening as Alex's lips swooped down, warm and wet against her own. Alex smiled into the kiss, curling his fingers into her hair. Their noses brushed and Eliza's tongue flicked into his mouth teasingly.

"I love you too." She hissed. "You little punk."

-

The next morning Alex thought he was dying. He woke up with a bucket beside him and his shirt on backwards. He surveyed the room, feeling around the bed for Eliza or, at the very least, Benny. He frowned when he stubbed each long finger on a hard surface. He assumed it was the headboard until he processed that he had stretched his arm side ways. Alex sat up cautiously, his mouth falling open when he realised he had been sleeping on the garden bench. He grabbed for the blanket at his feet but lost balance, soon finding himself with his face in the morning dewed grass, his feet still claiming the bench.

"Mum..." He groaned, crawling along the lawn, towards the back door.

Benny sat in the porch, staring at his adoptive father with confusion. Alex tried to flash him a smile but it came out as more of a grimace. 

"Can ya get...one of the girls, pal?" Alex banged on the glass, huddled on his knees, twisting the door handle furiously.

Benny meowed through the glass, rubbing his nose against Alex's knuckles, frowning when he couldn't feel his skin. He swished his tail and ran off through the kitchen. Alex hoped he would go up the stairs, not seeing any faults in asking a cat to do his biddings.

"So that's where you are!" Eliza pushed open the bedroom window moments later and peered down at Alex's form.

"God? Is that you?" Alex squinted, falling on his back and staring up at the sky with pure amazement. "Why 'ave ya got a woman's voice?"

"For the love of..." Eliza pulled on her dressing gown and slumped down the stairs, pulling open the back door and dragging Alex inside.

Once he found himself on the kitchen floor he heaved himself up, slurping straight from the tap.

"Alex, your shirt is covered in mud, give it here." Eliza sighed, carefully unfastening the buttons that were now wrongly down his back.

Alex let the shirt fall from his arms as he grabbed a glass from the cupboard, filling it with orange juice and downing it in one.

"Why did ya let me sleep outside?" Alex shivered, pulling Eliza's dressing gown open so he could slip his arms inside the front.

"I don't even remember going to bed, I just assumed you'd be there when I woke up," she shrugged, pushing his arms out and manoeuvring him up the stairs.

Eliza helped Alex out of his jeans and found him a thick hoodie to put on from his suitcase. Alex crawled into bed quite happily, his head banging slightly less when incased in the soft pillow. 

"Al?" Eliza whispered, laying behind him, combing his dark tufts of hair into submission with her fingers.

Alex groaned in acknowledgement. 

"Do you...remember...what you said?" 

Alex nodded, his eyes still firmly shut but a wry smile lifting the corners of his lips.  
.  
"Good." Eliza's cheeks flushed as she tucked her chin over Alex's shoulder, nosing the skin just behind his ear.

"Let me sleep." He whined, although his goosebumps betrayed him and begged for more.

Benny settled between them, his whiskers prickling Alex's arm. He licked at the sleepy man, purring and bumping his paws against the now moist skin.

"Does he not understand a hangover?" Alex muttered, reaching behind him for the cat and pulling Benny into his chest this time, exactly what the animal wanted.

"I told you he likes you the best."

-

The day before they went home Eliza set about teaching Paula to paint. They were sat in the garden, an easel each with matching utensils that Eliza had brought up from the studio. It turned out that Paula could sketch, it was the just painting that was the problem. Alex rolled around the grass with Benny held above him like a little kid. He was giggling and letting the fluffy cat bat at his nose with soft paws. So Eliza decided they would paint him.

Alex didn't know he was once again her muse so he kept on moving. It was fine though because Benny never left his arms so each pose was usable. Paula sketched beautifully, with haphazard lines, the movement clear on the page. Eliza envied her style, wishing that she could portray such realness. Eliza skipped the bulk of the sketching, going straight to the paints, where she felt most safe.

She went for messy and abstract whilst Paula tried to stay within her careless lines.

"What are you two drawing?" Alex frowned from the floor, Benny curled up on his stomach.

"Just the house." Paula smiled.

Alex seemed satisfied and continued to run his fingers through Benny's like a small child with his first pet.

The artwork turned out polished and almost professional. Alex caught sight of himself within the acrylics and rolled his eyes, immediately pointing the finger of blame towards Eliza.

"It's not my fault you're such a natural model!" She protested, blowing him kisses as she washed the paint off in the sink.

"Oh and another thing," Alex started, pausing to lower Benny down to the kitchen floor. "You've never taught me to paint!"

"Cos I like your mum more." Eliza sighed with a smile, drying her hands and turning to face the dreaded Alex pout.

"I wanna paint," Alex grumbled, shrugging his shoulders.

"Okay," Eliza rolled her eyes, one hand placed on his shoulder. "When we get back you can have a day in the studio."

No response.

"Two days?"

A slight smile.

"Sexy painting?"

She gained his full attention.

"What's sexy painting?"

"I don't know," Eliza laughed. "I just knew it would get your attention."

"You win this round." Alex narrowed his eyes, dipping his hand in the sink and flicking water in her face before making a hasty retreat.

"Why is he running and giggling like a little girl?" Paula came in from the garden, her eyes following Alex's form disappearing into the hall.

"He splashed me," Eliza smirked.

Paula rolled her eyes with a smile, muttering something about her son being a soppy idiot.

Eliza couldn't agree more.

-

Rain rattled violently against the window as Eliza laid back in the centre of the bed. Her hand moulded around the curve of her breastbone as her finger traced over the semi-circle scar which perturbed over the skin. The sharp edge of the knife remained vivid in her mind, as clear as the day it was driven into her chest. Alex had asked about it the morning before and Eliza had told him that she had fallen over as a child. She rolled onto her side and pulled the duvet into her chest. The day marked an anniversary she did not want to have. A ritualised occasion that she had always wanted to forget and leave behind in her past but would never cease to plague her. The day her trust had been brutally betrayed. 

Cameron Notely had been a dark character throughout Eliza's life. He was her friendly neighbour throughout her teens when she still lived at home. Cameron was two years older and interesting. Eliza was always attracted to the abnormal so when she overheard his plans to take part in a ghost walk across London she began secretly hoping for an invite, even if it was the result of pity. Occasionally Cameron allowed the puberty stricken teen to watch him tinker with his motorbike or tend to his mother's lawn. They would talk about school and society, obnoxiously identifying themselves as the pillars of a new age. Eventually Cameron invited Eliza and all was well. They became a sort of gang, although the entry was so specific it never expanded from the two of them.

Cameron saw Eliza as a hobby. Sometimes he would gift a kiss to her cheek and watch her blush. He thought she was cute, but in the way a novelty t-shirt or clothed pet would be considered. Cameron showed her affection as an experiment. He wanted to see how far she would go; exactly how much she would sacrifice to be with him. He laughed about her with his friends, sharing intimate photos he had convinced her to send. He told her who to be friends with and who she should avoid. Cameron decided that Eliza would have banish her closest friends in favour of the tacky girlfriends of his friends. Eliza clearly had nothing in common with their orange faces or mainstream dress but she forced herself to conform because she wanted to impress him. Cameron convinced her to stop working at the local art shop because she should be watching him play football. He even made her spend less time with her sister as it made her seem 'childish'. No one knew of the emotional abuse Eliza endured because she herself could not identify it. She presumed that Cameron wanted to help make her cool and even more unique, which was all she had ever wanted.

One day, however, it all came crashing down around her. Cameron had mentioned that he may move away to study at university. He had mentioned somewhere abroad and the inevitable desolation of their relationship. He had mentioned all of these things but with a lack specification, a lack that kept Eliza hopeful. So when she knocked for him one night she was more than shocked to hear that he boarded a plane to America 72 hours ago. Eliza questioned his mother but to no avail. Cameron had just gone. Disappeared without a second thought. Eliza was alone again.

She rang him. She considered the charges and concluded it was worth it. She rang and rang every hour for just over a week before she received an answer.

"What?"

"Cam, why didn't you...I mean you just left....what about...ya know...me?" 

"What about you? I've got my own life."

Silence. 

"Was there something you actually wanted or did you just ring to waste my time?"

"Why are you being like this?" 

"I'm not being like anything." Pause. "Eliza, you were a bit of fun."

Gasp.

"Stop calling me."

The dialling tone cut through Eliza's devastated form like a knife through softened butter. Everything fell into place. The mist of a first love cleared abruptly and the pieces of Eliza's life rocketed into place. She couldn't talk. For a long time after that conversation she couldn't - and wouldn't - speak to anyone. The general assumption that it was due to Cameron's departure was wordlessly accepted although the raw truth was never spoken. 

Eliza thought she was over it. Years passed and she was alright. She had friends and work and hobbies and she was normal. But Cameron did not seem to be able to leave well enough alone. Their paths crossed on a foggy night across the fields they used to occupy as a pair. Cameron had come home, unbeknownst to Eliza, and was gliding through the dewy grass after having a few too many at the local pub. Eliza was coming home from a house party, her legs shaking against the cold. Each figure stopped in their tracks as they saw each other. Silence barricaded them apart as their brains ticked and surged for appropriate reactions. 

Eliza opened her mouth to speak but swiftly shut it as she saw what was in Cameron's hand. A knife. A knife that was covered in blood. Cameron's eyes followed her gaze and without a second thought he closed the gap between them with a heavy breath, slamming the blade into Eliza's innocent skin.

Screams and sirens followed as Cameron fled the scene.

He'd attacked an innocent couple at a bus stop, killing the boyfriend of the partnership, all over an alleged 'funny' look. The alcohol had overwhelmed him and turned him into a monster. Eliza survived, of course, but sometimes she wished she hadn't. It would save her the embarrassment of admitting to herself her own stupidity to trust such a man.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yep I'm back AGAIN
> 
> so sorry about my ridiculous absences but things have been very hectic!
> 
> I haven't read this through or anything so sorry for any mistakes, this chapter is more to bridge the gap into another plot line and remind you about the relationships, I'm aware its been a long time!!
> 
> hope you all don't hate now hahaha

Alex had been away for two months and three days when Eliza had her breakdown. The international tour had begun and no one had been ready. At 5am Eliza kissed her partner goodbye at Heathrow and cried into the steering wheel on her way home. She had been fine for a long time afterwards, their routinely skype sessions seeming to suffice. Alex sported a goofy smile upon seeing Eliza's face, wiggling his fingers into a comical wave. Eliza babbled on about new paints and musky gatherings that she had attended in his absence. Alex talked about getting drunk and sweating through three layers of clothing. They tried to dabble into sexual gratification via webcam but they both found it too awkward so kept to benign conversation.

Eliza caught the eurostar to Paris a month into the tour, spending a rushed day and a half with Alex. They visited the Eiffel tower like clichés and ate ice cream below it. Eliza watched Alex performed and kissed him goodbye once more before boarding the train back to normality.

By the second month Eliza had stopped sleeping. She ate cereal straight from the box and not a lot else. Benny tried to please her with a brush of his soft fur or a faint mew in the middle of the night but he never quite produced a smile. Eliza had received a letter a few days before the two month landmark telling her that Cameron was due to be released the following week. She knew he would be back in London because his mother still lived there. She knew that she wouldn’t see him but the chance left a bad taste in her mouth. Alex didn’t know about this aspect of her past, she decided that her dad's death would be enough sadness to last a lifetime. It wasn’t even that she was scared of being attacked again, it was just the idea that Cameron's reintroduction into civilisation would bring that chapter hurtling back into her subconscious. 

Her work suffered also. Her peaceful landscapes changed, a layer of heavy mist painted over the scene. The oceans ran red and the sand became bones. Portraits were bruised with dark eyes and screaming mouths. Eliza looked back on her work and sighed, calling in her apprentices to take over, citing the need for her to attend a crafts fair of some sort.

-

"I'm so excited to see her mate," Alex rubbed his hands together in the chill of the morning, his breath heavy with anticipation.

"I know." Matt chuckled. "You keep thrusting a little too much on stage.

"Not like that, ya pervert." Alex punched his arm. "Just wanna…smell her or something,"

Matt took a moment of silence, his face contorted into a frown as he looked out of the plane window.

"I think she missed me too."

"Oh, you're still gonna talk about it, great." Matt muttered, turning back to his besotted friend. "I imagine she did."

"No but I mean she hasn't skyped me as much recently, I think it's cos seeing me make it worse?"

"Probably."

"Either that or she's having an affair!" Alex snorted.

"Maybe she is," Matt shrugged, his voice low and droll.

"Shut up, just because Libby sleeps around."

Matt's head whipped to the side, his eyes wide yet focussed hard on Alex's features.

"I thought I told ya we were never going to talk about it."

"I know but-"

"No buts, ya arsehole, we're not mentioning it for the rest of our lives."

"Okay but move back in yeah?"

"Al, I'm keeping my flat. Why should I let her have it?"

"Because she fucked him in your bed?"

Matt shot him another acid lined look, forcing Alex to purse his lips and sit tight for a few moments.

"I'm thinking of having a little party when we get back," Alex changed the subject delicately. "Eliza was saying we could clear out her studio - have a proper rave,"

"Sounds good." Matt admitted begrudgingly.

"Would you kill me if I tried to set you up?"

"It would depend on the girl and the context."

"Right." Alex gave a slight nod. 

"Not one of Eliza's friends though, yeah?"

"Why?"

"Because If it goes wrong things will be awkward," Matt explained.

"So a randomer?"

Matt nodded.

"Fuck and chuck kind of deal?"

"Precisely." Matt smirked, slapping Alex's shoulder playfully, his spirits thankfully returned. 

-

"I think I missed your skin the most." Alex sighed as he traced Eliza's spine, her head lolled sleepily on his bare chest. 

"Hm?"

"It's so soft." He hummed absentmindedly. "You smell nice as well."

"I smell like crusty paint." Eliza snorted into his skin, fluttering her eyelashes against the rapidly appearing goosebumps. 

"Only sometimes." Alex held her a little closer.

"I painted a canvas of you while you were away." Eliza breathed. "Kind of abstract, but I found the polaroids from that portrait."

"Little bit weird, love." Alex teased in a husky voice, stretching out suddenly, causing Eliza to roll onto her front. "Tea?"

Alex padded out of the bedroom, his boxers hanging loosely off of his love bit hips. Benny preened in the hallway, his eyes huge as watched Alex's figure, a man he had missed perhaps more than Eliza had. Alex collected the fluffy cat into his arm, chuckling as the creature nuzzled his nose into his adoptive father's neck. He allowed Benny to settle on the counter top as he entered the kitchen, flicking on the kettle as the cat's tail tickled his side.

"Benny whined at the front door for days on end when you left," Eliza sighed as she followed the pair into the room, pulling her dressing gown tight around her middle.

"I missed those little whiskers of his." Alex cooed, speaking more to his feline friend than his shivering girlfriend.

Eliza slurped nosily from an orange juice carton straight from the fridge, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She licked her lips as she watched Alex make two steaming mugs of tea. She approached him slowly, reaching out to trace his spine feverishly.

"Babe." Alex groaned, flexing his shoulders. "I'm gonna spill the tea."

Eliza grinned to herself, erasing her touch and moving to the living room.

-

Alex's breath hung in the air as the tip of his quiff tickled Eliza's forehead. The bed rocked in time to his thrusts and the gasps that the pair shared. The room was a mist to Eliza's eyes, her sense overloaded by everything that was Alex. His cologne stuck to her skin as her body was twisted up into Alex's. She moaned quietly into his ear, as if there were prying eyes in the corners of the room. Everything was private and concealed, every sound a gift only intended for Alex's consumption. 

Turner was the opposite. He growled into Eliza's mouth, teeth bared and hungry. He wanted everyone to hear and know what he was doing. He wanted it known that he was claiming Eliza as his own. That she was his for the intimacy and no one should try and test that. Alex let fire behind him as he roamed Eliza's body, leaving bruises in his wake. Like Benny, she preened. Every mark left was a trophy and a mark of appreciation. As an artist, Eliza liked the flecks of colour littering her skin after their various escapades. Alex would smirk the next morning, pushing at them with his fingers, revelling in the shrieks he earned.

Their hips met and Eliza choked on her own moan, biting into the tendons on Alex's neck.

/Fuck…Eliza…that fucking hurt../

Another cry fell from her mouth in loose response, clenching every muscle in her stomach. Alex gasped, pushing the bridge of his nose to Eliza's forehead.

/I'm gonna…in a second…on top now/

Eliza rolled begrudgingly, grounding her hips until Alex whined, pushing himself up and in turn edging Eliza into her own utopia.The aftermath was lined with panting and giggles as the clean up commenced. Playfulness and yawns absorbed the room as the duvet became their safety once more.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YEP I'M BACK AGAIN FOR LIKE THE FOURTH TIME IM SO SORRY

The night's chill had always been one of Alex's favourite sensations. He liked to disrobe from his leather jacket and let his skin try to reject the cold, goosebumps erupting ferociously. Alex had always been like this. One of his earliest, and most frequent, memories were of his mother forcing jackets onto his arms as he tried to leave the house practically bare. This year's winter, however, had him beat.

Whilst Alex had time off from tour he had been tasked with the job of looking after Benny. Eliza had taken on a huge commission - a sculpture for a local museum - so Benny would be awfully lonely left in her apartment. Unfortunately the exact week that the cat was left in Alex's care he had a booster shot scheduled at the vets. Alex pleaded with Benny to get into his carrycase but he refused to comply. The cat's huge brown eyes hardened in the face of his adoptive dad, twitching his nose, his paws gripping the carpet. 

"Come on, I promised ya mum I'd take you to the…vets." Alex whispered the last word, hoping it would seem less scary to the feline.

The cat hissed.

Alex pulled a face, tapping a paw lightly and judging the reaction.

Benny turned his face away in disgust.

Alex bundled the cat up eventually, his arms scratched to ribbons from the brawl. He loaded the carry case into the passenger seat of his car, sending Eliza a picture of her big baby pouting through the bars. Alex started the car, resisting the radio and instead filling front seat with soothing hums. Benny settled somewhat although he was extremely suspicious of where they were going. Rightly so.

The waiting room was filled with family pets and anxious owners. Alex tapped his feet rhythmically on the speckled tiles. Benny hissed and mewed angrily beside him, whining for his mother. A young guy emerged soon after, calling for Benny. Alex stood up and carried the cat into the consultation room.

"It's Benny, right?" The vet eased the little door of the carry case open, his eyes flickering up to Alex's.

"Yeah. His mum is away so I've brought him to this check up."

The vet cooed at the fluffy feline, tempting him out.

Alex stood awkwardly as Benny cowered on the examination table, looking up at the vet with angry eyes. Alex watched each check-up, breathing a sigh of relief when his furry friend was handed back to him in the safety of his carry case.

Alex hummed to himself on the way home, trying to drown Benny's hisses. The carry case rattled as the angry animal protested, his eyes still seeing misty shapes after the little torch had been shone into them. 

"I'm sorry mate." Alex sighed, pulling into his drive. "Don't blame me, blame your mum."

Alex opened the passenger door and let Benny out of his little cage, watching him fall out and jump over the back gate into the garden, rolling in the grass and trying to rid himself of the stench of the vets.

\- 

Eliza felt bad for lying to Alex, she really did, but it couldn’t be avoided. 

Cameron was dying and had begged for months to see Eliza's face one last time. Now her intentions in seeing the leader of her demonic past was far from matrimonial but she knew she had to in order to truly say goodbye to that part of her life. At first she had resisted when his mother contacted her. Cameron should have been released weeks before his mother called but due to aggressive behaviour he had been given another month. Another month in which he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given a matter of weeks left to live. Eliza felt no sympathy for him, although she felt that she should. She didn’t tell anyone where she was going, she just packed and left one dark Friday evening, happy that Benny would be cared for by his adoptive father. She had told him she would be away for a week when in fact the statue would only take a few days to design, and that’s all they needed her for so she could come home when they began construction. She chose the generosity of a week because the thought of returning early and earning a large grin from Alex's inviting mouth was something that appealed to her greatly, presenting itself in the form of redemption for her lie.

The hospital looked like a castle from the outside, bar the barbed wire and watch towers. Eliza trudged across the pebbled drive, her shiny black boots sinking in as she approached the gates. She showed her visiting order to the receptionist on the main desk and was swiftly shown to the critical ward. The white walls reflected her hunched form, relishing a fresh face to mirror. Eliza's boots tapped at an uncomfortable volume as she paced the halls, trying to locate Cameron's room.

"Eliza! You came!" Beamed Mandy, the mother of Eliza's past, as she left Cameron's room.

"I said I would." Eliza sighed. 

Mandy led the weary girl into the private room, gesturing for her to sit beside the limp body. Eliza watched as the familiar face flickered to life, those dark eyes being the last to open. 

"Lizzie." Cameron croaked.

Eliza swallowed hard, her skin crawling at his dull drone of a voice, echoing nauseatingly into her ears.

"Some reunion, eh?" He laughed and choked, his mother quickly plumping his pillows and getting him a drink.

"Handcuffs suit you." Eliza nodded to Cameron's wrist, chained to the bed.

"I don’t understand their angle to be honest." Wince. "I can't even get up to go to the toilet, how would I go about escaping?"

"I remember you being quite full of surprises." Eliza shrugged, patting her side.

"Not full of surprises." He scratched his dirty stubble with his free hand. "Full of bad ideas."

"Same difference." 

Mandy laughed nervously, mumbling something about getting coffee and slipping out of the room.

"Look, why did you really want me to visit?" Eliza's eyes grew hard. "Redemption? Or maybe a pity party? Because I'm not Jesus and I didn’t bring any balloons." 

"So dry," Cameron shook his head and laughed again, patting his chest to ease the disruption.

"Generally what happens when you stab someone." Eliza looked away, scratching her arm too hard, her skin flaking slightly and gathering under her fingernails.

"Still not over that, huh?"

Eliza scoffed.

"It was a joke." Cameron clutched his abdomen as he leant over to reach the cup of water his mother had poured. 

He kept stretching and wincing but he could not reach. Eliza closed her eyes tight and refused to listen to his groans of discomfort and pain.

"Lizzie, please?"

Eliza passed him the water.

"Thank you."

"My name isn't, and never has been, Lizzie."

"You used to love it."

"I used to love you." Eliza held his gaze for a moment too long. "Things change."

"See, I'm surprised you didn’t never got banged up." Cameron rubbed his eyes groggily. "Because you definitely know how to stick the fucking knife in, that’s for sure."

Eliza flinched.

"I asked you here to apologise and see a friendly face before I kick the bucket. Clearly I'm only going to get one of those things."

"Apology accepted." Eliza stood up, anger lining her blood, hot and heavy pumping around her body.

"Oh, going somewhere love?" Mandy opened the door, stopping in her tracks as she saw the young woman standing, her fists clenched. "I brought you a coffee."

Eliza forced herself to sit down and endure small talk. 

Mandy whittled on about the two of them as teenagers and how in love they seemed, as if Cameron had never even held a knife that night. She said that she had always seen them getting married - Eliza was such a lovely girl, pretty too! Oh how sweet their babies would have been! Now they would have been a delight to babysit! Silly Cameron for getting in this mess! Maybe in the next life he'll find someone as beautiful as Eliza.

"He'll probably come back as a grasshopper or something." Eliza offered as Mandy looked at her expectantly. 

Mandy spoke mainly to her son after their visitor's sharp tongue changed the atmosphere. 

Eliza knew she should have been kind and forgiving as Cameron was clearly not long for this world, but every bone in her body was rejecting the idea. He had scarred her and not yet paid his dues. Cancer was claiming him unfairly, he did not deserve the release of death. And for that, she did feel bad. 

Eliza left the hospital to get lunch and cry in her car. She sketched a quick frame of an angel, scrawling /with love/ on the bottom. She folded it in half and shoved it into her coat pocket. She strode quickly towards Cameron's room, her fingers twitching by her sides. Mandy had gone home minutes before Eliza arrived, leaving her to fill the silence on her own.

"I drew this for your mum." Eliza tossed the folded paper onto Cameron's bed. "She looks like she needs some support."

"A guardian angel?" Cameron raised an eyebrow as he unfolded the paper.

"I guess." 

"You remembered that she believes in all that shit then?"

Eliza shrugged. 

He was right, but she shrugged all the same. 

"I shouldn't have treated you like that Eliza. I know that."

She stared back blankly.

"I don’t really care about that couple I attacked, I don’t feel bad, I don’t feel anything. But you, I shouldn’t have done that to you. You were just a kid."

Eliza's throat tightened as her eyes threatened to overspill with her fury.

"But you look good. Very put together." Cameron leant his head back, his breathing heavy. "Got a man?"

"Alex." Eliza choked.

"From that band, right?"

"What?"

"Saw in a magazine. Wondered if it was really you."

Eliza's stomach churned.

"If you already knew, then why did you ask?"

Cameron shrugged, "wondered if you'd lie."

"I've got a cat as well."

"Yeah?"

"He's called Benny."

"After Benjamin West?"

Eliza paused, "yeah, the painter."

"You used to love him." Cameron mused. "He's the one that became the King's painter right?"

Eliza nodded, "I had a canvas of his on my wall when I was a teenager."

"Do you still have it now?"

"No." She sighed. "I burnt it when you left."

"Oh."

"Pretty much burned everything in sight, in the back garden. Kept going until I had an empty room."

"Things people do, eh?" Cameron smiled, keeping it uncomfortably stretched across his face until he realised Eliza wasn’t going to return it.

Eliza left soon after.

She patted Cameron on the arm and said goodbye, ignoring the tears in his eyes. She had to leave and never again look behind her, otherwise these memories would eat her alive.

-

Alex occupied the living room in a loose cream shirt, hanging open from his shoulders. Eliza's fingertips tapped out patterns onto his smooth chest, Benny happily curled up in his lap. Alex curled his toes into the thick carpet, sighing as Eliza pulled away from the heat of his body, closing the curtains over each window.

"Why are ya so restless, doll?" 

"I don't know, just feels weird not doing anything after such a…busy week," Eliza stretched, sitting cross-legged at Alex's feet, reaching up to run her fingers through Benny's fur.

"We can make a night of it if you want?" Alex offered, catching her fingers and holding them gently between his.

Eliza shook her head, pushing herself up by Alex's knees and curling into him once more.

"I'd rather stay in."

"We could invite people over?" Alex compromised, kissing the top of her head.

"I don't mind," Eliza shrugged. "I'm not really in the mood for a late night though."

"I just wanna make you happy El," Alex's features contorted as he studied her face.

"I'm perfectly happy here, with my two favourite boys." She reassured, leaning up to peck Alex's lips.

"If you're sure." Alex's lips arched into a little smile as he kissed Eliza back, curling a piece of her hair around his finger.

The evening played out much the same, with small interjections of pizza and wine. Eliza showed Alex pictures of the week's designs and Alex laughed about Benny's time at the vets, and how he had had to win him over during the days that followed. Eliza laughed too, pushing the image of Cameron's weakening body out of her mind. She was haunted by him even though he had not yet passed. She could not help but be on tenterhooks about his approaching decent into the afterlife. She didn’t want to be there but she just wanted to know what was happening. Eliza felt as if she was Alice in Wonderland, falling down the rabbit hole, completely helpless and vulnerable to Cameron's demise. 

At night, when she couldn’t sleep, she wanted to tell Alex. She wanted to explain it to him and have the support he was always so willing to give. But with a confession comes assumptions and conflict. Both of which she never wanted to experience with Alex. After everything that had happened to that poor boy, she could not increase the load on his back. So she smiled and laughed, and ignored the dark shadow hanging over her shoulder.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sixth form is killing me but here ya go, merry christmas sorry it's not happy but at least it's semi-intense???

Alex teased his fingers through Eliza's short crop, listening to her heavy breathing. Benny's eyes lowered from the couple, rolling onto his back and signalling for Alex's undivided attention. Eliza groaned as the cat pawed at her arm, swishing his tail over the duvet cover. She accepted Benny into her arms, yawning into his fur as Alex smirked. The sun moved from behind the clouds, blinding Alex and forcing a whine from his lips.

"I need to get up."

"Huh?"

"Got an interview in a couple of hours and I stink," Alex winced, shuffling out from underneath Eliza and stretching out, yawning as his shoulders clicked.

"What's it like being a celebrity?" Eliza rolled over, smiling to herself as Benny jumped up onto Alex's pillow.

"Uh…I don’t know." Alex shrugged, walking into the bathroom and brushing his teeth.

"Yeah you do!" She called after him. "Must be weird!"

"I don’t like all the talking." Alex admitted, returning to grab a towel.

Eliza thought about that for a moment before rising from the bed, listening to the shower run. She padded down the stairs, milling around Alex's kitchen, making herself a coffee. It had been a month since she had been led to Cameron's death bed and she had managed to push it as far out of her head as possible. The image of her torment still lurked in the back of her head but at least she had been able to lay a sheet over it. Alex seemed happy enough, happy enough not to notice a change in Eliza. Happy enough not to realise how withdrawn she was at times and how she barely slept. Eliza had quickly found that sleeping was not an option when she was alone. With Alex she could bury her face in his skin and be absorbed, and be able pretend that she did not have a past or any allusion to another man. 

-

ELLE: Pop, Rock and Lock Edition

Today we are joined by Arctic Monkey's frontman Alex Turner to talk lust, lager and library pictures. See what I did there?

Hey Alex! Looking rather suave in your leather jacket!  
A: (laughing) Thanks, it's pretty much all I wear.

So, how does it feel heading one of the most prolific bands of our generation?  
A: I don’t think I'd go that far! The Monkeys are going good, yeah, but we've got a long way to go. (Pauses to push hair back) We've got big plans though so maybe that title will be fitting one day.

We look forward to it! Who would you say is the most rock star member of the band?  
A: (shrugs) Probably Matt, he's got two cars, there's just no need is there? He can only drive one at a time!

Um, you have a car and a motorbike…  
A: Well that's different. The car is for long journeys and going food shopping, and the bike is for when I want to show off.

How rock and roll!  
A: Hey! We've all got to eat!

You and the boys recently did an interview for Kerrang and you finally opened up about your relationship with Eliza Doon. What made you decide to finally speak about it?  
A: Well I get asked all the time, and there's always photos of us around so I figured I'd have to wouldn’t I? I'm never going to say a lot though, just that she's a cool girl and we're very happy together.

That's great to hear! We won't probe you too much but we are interested to know what the difference in trade is like between the two of you; is it weird being in a relationship with someone who isn't famous?  
A: (pulls a face) I don’t really like famous people. Eliza has way more talent than I do, ya know, her paintings are brilliant, I just slur along to a few chords. I mean, f@%k, she can do anything she wants - its amazing. I feel normal with her.

So eloquently put! Do you think you'll bite the bullet and move in any time soon?  
A: (grins and shakes his head, refusing to answer)

Okay, okay, we get it, too much! Change of topic - how did it feel to headline Glastonbury?  
A: Beyond! Never experienced anything like it! You think you've played good gigs but compared to Glasto they are nothing!

Is it correct that Eliza designed your back drop?  
A: Oh yeah, I want her to do our next album too. Nothing like a bargain deal.

Mates Rates then?  
A: (smirks) Something like that.

No Comment.  
A: (blushes)

So what's the plan for the next album?  
A: (shrugs) We've only just finished touring the current one. I've got a few ideas knocking around but nothing major.

Keeping your cards close to your chest Alex?  
A: Something like that. To be perfectly honest, I have no clue what we're doing next. I think we're going to have a little bit of time off and then regroup.

After wrapping up the brief yet strangely informative interview, we watched with glee as the infamous Eliza fell into the office with a round of coffees, donning a long black trench coat and paint splattered hair. We swooned as Alex whispered into her ear and she giggled, picking a fleck of green out of her fringe, nonchalantly shoving it into her pocket. Our photography intern, of whom had a near pant wetting incident when Alex first arrived that morning, shot a few candid shots of the star as his doting girlfriend warmed her hands around her coffee, reading the interview's notes over our shoulder - yes we noticed! 

A massive thanks to the Alex for dropping by, catch us next week for another insight into the life of a celeb!

-

Home sweet home. Eliza dangled her legs out of her studio window, smoking her third cigarette of the morning and sketching an intricate design into her sketch pad. Big Dave was planning a 27th birthday extravaganza in which poignantly involved a full chest tattoo as designed by Eliza. Snakes and roses littered the page, looped together by thorn encrusted vines. Admittedly she was impressed with the outcome, however the thought of it penned onto someone's chest did make her cringe. She had begged that he reconsidered and just added the ensemble to his sleeve but for some reason, unknown to the universe, he simply needed it carved on his torso. Eliza dabbed at her scrawlings with water colours, humming along to her own internal karaoke. 

An hour passed and the backdrop to her work soon adopted a stray Alex, puffing smoke as he groaned out lyric ideas. It soon bored him however and he resulted to painting straight onto his acoustic guitar, swirling dark blue paint and gold glitter over its body. Eliza admired his work, leaning over Alex's shoulder, brushing her lips over his ear as she laughed at his intense concentration. 

A little after Eliza's debut exhibition she had decided to eliminate her staff and run the business solo. She soon realised that her secretary was a redundant asset and that she did not need an assistant as her work began to feel less like her own. She was more in demand however more focussed. Eliza filled out her schedule and bookings for the week before dragging Alex home and forcing him to endure a series and a half of Ru Paul's drag race, although 'endure' was a loose term as Alex was soon shouting criticisms at the queens and schooling them on their contouring. 

-

Step.

Trip.

Laugh.

Hiccup.

Step.

Step.

Trip.

Step.

Fall.

Laugh.

"Alex, what the hell are you doing?" Eliza rolled her eyes, slipping out of bed to pat Alex's cheek as he laid face down on the bedroom floor, Benny sitting comfortably on his head.

"Just go in love."

"I can see that." 

Roll.

Meow.

Stretch.

Hiss.

"Can we save the shaming for the morning? I wanna sleep." Alex groaned, attempting to climb into bed as if it was Mount Everest. 

"Do I even want to know why you're so drunk?" Eliza cringed, peeling off Alex's beer dampened jeans one leg at a time.

"Probably not." He mumbled, kicking them off his ankle and crawling further under the duvet, shoes and all.

Eliza left him to it, getting in next to him, offering him a sceptical glance.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Lights off.

Darkness. 

"Who's Cameron?"

Groan.

"Huh?" Eliza froze, looking away immediately.

"Some woman rang before when you were at work, said Cameron had left you a few things."

Silence.

"I don't know."

Shuffle.

"She said she had been trying to get back in touch with you since she saw you at the hospital but you must have blocked her number or something."

Gulp.

"She asked if I was Alex."

"Yeah?"

"She said she was sorry about what had happened to you."

Alex turned to face Eliza; sombre and sobered.

"Alex, you're not-"

He sat up, his eyes dark and his jaw tight.

"She said he was a good guy, and that I shouldn’t hate him."

He held Eliza's eye for a moment longer than was needed.

"I went to her house Eliza."

Her head jerked.

"You visited him." Alex's voice became a dull whisper, hanging in the atmosphere.

Eliza's mouth hung open uncomfortably as her eyes darted around the room.

"Are you going to say something?"

"Why did you pretend to be drunk?"

Alex laughed.

"Oh, I am drunk, I had a few whiskeys on my way back so I didn’t come home and tell you to pack your fucking bags."

Eliza flinched, covering her mouth to muffle her cry as his words jabbed into her chest.

Alex scrabbled to his knees, leaning in and cupping her face, his thumbs biting into her cheeks.

"Tell me who he is."

"He's from my past Alex." She whimpered, his eyes boring into her.

"Tell me."

Eliza closed her eyes, keeping them tight shut as the tears seeped through her naked eyelashes.

"She told me." Alex spat. "She fucking told me everything. Everything you should of fucking told me from the start."

Eliza struggled, trying to release his grip but to no avail.

"I cried." Alex moved in closer, his knee digging into her thigh. "I cried to a fucking stranger. I've got a box of polaroids and books in my car from that…murderer. He wrote you a letter El, begging for you to come back to him from beyond the motherfucking grave."

"Alex please." Her eyes poured.

"So, what I'm gonna need baby, is for you to call a taxi and leave." Alex's presence retracted sharply, pacing the room and biting into his knuckles.

"It's 2 in the morning, that's near impossible!" 

"I can't give you a lift." Alex's voice shook as he darted into the hall, hiding his progression of sobs.

"I'll sleep downstairs." Eliza offered, sighing. 

Alex watched her pad down the stairs in silence.

"I don’t know if I'll be able to trust you again." He murmured, looking down and playing with his fingers.

"It's hard for me too Alex." Eliza bristled slightly, looking up from the bottom of the stairs. 

Alex forced himself to stand and shot her a blank stare before slamming the bedroom door behind him, continuing to pace for the rest of the godforsaken night.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guess who it is
> 
> I'm sorry for my absence, yet again! Got my final exams coming up in these next 3 weeks so cannot guarantee I'll update but after that I am all yours!
> 
> not sure whether or not to have this chapter as the end???

The sofa groaned as Eliza turned, her head pounding from the self-pitying vodkas she had consumed before forcing herself into an uncomfortable lull of unconsciousness. Alex laid on the bedroom floor above her, a lump situated in his throat as Benny settled beside him worrisomely. He had to get up at some point, but he was scared. He did not want to know the full story or the reasons behind Eliza's visit to the hospital. Alex wanted to be hidden from the truth for as long as possible.

But Eliza had to go to work.

So she spent another hour psyching herself up for re-entering the bedroom, perfecting her game face. Eliza began climbing the stairs, her stomach churning at the thought of being faced with Alex's pained expression. She approached the door, tapping her fingertips against the white washed wood until it eased open. 

"I need to go to work." Eliza whispered as she tiptoed into the room, waggling her fingers at Benny.

She gained no response from the mound of duvet and soon realised Alex was in the shower. She wanted to barge into the bathroom and freely tell him she had to get ready, but it almost felt taboo to see his vulnerable naked form when they were barely talking. She needed to leave though so she swallowed what was left of her pride and opened the door.

"Eliza?" Alex frowned as she came into view, his hands falling to covering himself.

"I need…I have work." She looked away.

"I'm in the shower."

"I know but I need to shower and…well I need a lift." Her eyes flickered up but then down again.

"Oh." Alex prickled, flicking the water off and looking at her.

Eliza's eyes watered as they locked onto Alex's.

She watched as Alex climbed out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. He edged closer to her, flexing his fingers as they reached for her shoulder.

Alex sighed.

"We will talk about this El." His eyes tightened before softening, melting over his pain.

Eliza nodded, a solidary tear leaving her eye. 

Alex wiped it away with a water-wrinkled thumb, forcing a slight smile. 

Eliza fell into her beloved's arms, sobbing and grabbing at his arms, begging to be held tighter. The pair silently embraced until it was time for Eliza to leave. She showered and dressed, and Alex gave her a lift to her studio. They did not kiss once.

-

Eliza returned home wearily. Alex was waiting. She found him on the sofa with Benny, flicking through his phone. She tapped him on the arm so he knew she was there before dumping her bag in the kitchen and slowly making herself a cup of tea; killing time.

"Cameron stabbed me." Eliza stated, perching on the arm of the sofa, furthest from Alex. "I loved him and he stabbed me, he went to prison and then he was dying. His mum asked me to visit and I couldn’t say no."

Alex gulped.

"I didn’t tell you because what was I meant to say? I was going to tell you at some point, of course, but I did not feel you needed to know straight away."

"I would have wanted to know." Alex corrected.

"You would have wanted to go and shout at him - I didn’t want that. I knew you would have been hurt and angry because you love me, but I couldn’t handle it."

"Eliza…I-"

"I don’t blame you." Eliza cut him off. "I gave him hell, the whole visit. I did not touch him, I just sat and listened. Then I left and he…died."

Alex stood up and squared up to the quivering painter, gently placing his hand under her chin and tilting it upwards.

"I'm an awful person." Alex winced. "And a disgusting boyfriend."

Eliza shook her head. 

"I should of told you,"

"I shouldn’t have been so far up m'arse."

Alex leant in and kissed her hard, turning them and falling back into the sofa, Eliza on top of him. 

"He stabbed you?" Alex murmured, his hand burrowing under her top, tracing the familiar scar.

"It wasn’t life threatening but not exactly enjoyable, it sent me crazy." Eliza rose from their position, her jaw tight.

"El?" Alex frowned, shifting into a seated position, clutching a cushion to his chest.

"It can't just be solved Alex." She stared. "It was something from my life that I didn’t want to share yet, but you took that choice away from me."

"It's not my fault that she called while you were out, I-"

"No. You went to his grieving mother's house and got involved in something that wasn’t yours to delve into." Eliza's eyes sharpened as they bore into Alex's fragile image. "I need space."

Alex followed sharply as Eliza ran up the stairs, her hands reaching for her overnight bag, returning its contents.

"I'm going home." She continued. "I need time."

"Eliza, you know I only went because I wanted to understand, I wanted to know what was going on with you,"

"You could have asked."

"I…I was angry. I don’t like being kept in the dark, ya know that."

"This isn't about you Alex." Eliza snapped, dropping the bag by the door and turning. "I was there for you through everything. I stayed on the edges and did as you commanded. I didn’t smash into your past and…intrude…so please, leave me to do this."

"I don’t want ya to leave angry." Alex's bottom lip quivered, however he fought the tears.

"I'm not angry Alex." Eliza passed him in the door way, Benny under her arm. "I'm just hurt."

-

So crashing Eliza's business meeting was a slight mistake, Alex now realised that. 

She was sat in a high-end coffee shop with two men dressed in suits, and Alex was passing. He didn’t mean to interrupt but he couldn’t help himself. Eliza looked sad and it hurt. Alex walked in, guitar on his back and sunglasses adorned. He ordered an expresso and pulled up a chair.

Eliza swore at him instantly and excused the pair.

"What the fuck are you doing here? I said I was hurt! What does that mean to you? You grabbed my fucking face and made me feel like scum - you don't get to interrupt! Alex get a sense of humanity. This isn't about you. I'm trying to make a life for myself. What do you think those buyers think of me now? They think I have a fucking delusional boyfriend and that I don’t know how to make time for my art! Fuck off Alex!" She pushed him. "I'll call you when I can bare to look at your self-righteous face."

Alex watched Eliza walk back into the shop and presumably apologise for his behaviour.

He had fucked this right up.

-

Months passed and the pair did not speak a word to each other. Alex mourned whilst Eliza threw herself into her work. The monkey's songs grew sombre and riddled with angst; Alex's voice smashing through any hint of promise within the ensemble. Eliza stewed over the abrupt departure, painting sad scenes and wounded souls though out her work, although she refused to acknowledge anything had changed. She did not want to consider that they had broken up, so instead she decided they had never even happened. She forbid the topic of conversation and begged for Benny to stop cuddling up with one of Alex's old t-shirts. Alex had knocked at her door several times, of course, but Eliza had sat with her back firmly against it, her hands pressed tightly over her ears. Alex posted letters but she sent them back - unopened. For some reason Eliza could not handle the idea of Alex having the key to her past, she wanted to be anonymous, her life beginning from the moment her pencil touched the canvas and Alex's commission began.

-

So Matt told Eliza he wanted a beach scene painted across the walls of his spare room. At first Eliza was sceptical, immediately anticipating a set-up or ruse undoubtedly involving Alex. But Matt insisted, promising the painter that his flat just needed a new lease of life. In a way, Eliza knew he was lying, and she was kind of glad. It had almost been 3 months since she had spoken to or even seen Alex, and she missed him so badly. She had basked in self-pity and doubt, but it quickly became apparent that Alex was the key to her happiness. 

Knock Knock.

Matt answered, mumbling something about seeing a man about a dog, brushing past Eliza and bolting for his car.

So, Alex was here.

Eliza dropped her paint at the door, slowly stepping over the threshold of judgement day. She closed the door behind her, scanning her eyes over each room until she reached the stairs. She took one step at a time, her stomach churning as her palms became damp. Her head jerked as she heard movement coming from the bedroom. Eliza gulped, staring at the door. 

"Please just come in." Alex's droll tone slipped out from beneath the door.

Eliza opened her mouth to make a scathing remark until she realised there was no point, pushing open the door. 

Alex sat nervously on the edge of Matt's bed. His hands hung in my lap, restless fingers tapping silently on his knees. His quiff drooped as his cheeks flushed, a sad sparkle centralised in his eyes. 

"I knew I wouldn’t be painting a bloody thing." Eliza tutted, her arms folded across her chest defensively. 

"Then why did you come?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Because I wanted to know what you had to say for yourself." Eliza answered sharply, fixing a cold stare. 

"Sit down?"

"No."

Alex pursed his lips.

"I still don't want to be near you." Eliza lied. "That’s why I haven't called you yet."

"Yet?" Alex smirked at the hint of promise.

"There was always a chance that I would, but also that I wouldn't." Eliza shrugged, pushing her back against the door of the wardrobe behind her. "I have never loved anyone like you Alex, you know that."

Alex's chest hiccupped as he clasped a hand over his eyes, his lips quivering.

Eliza stood and watched. She watched him cry, his heart pounding almost audibly in his chest. 

She should have comforted him, but she didn’t. 

"Have you seen anyone else?" Eliza sighed, taking a seat on the carpet by Alex's feet.

Alex snorted.

"Me neither."

"How's Benny?" He wiped his nose on his sleeve, keeping his eyes low, focussed on his shoes.

"He misses you." Eliza nodded. "Still waits by the door from time to time, doesn’t matter how many times I tell him you're…" She swallowed. "…not coming."

"I would have if you'd asked."

"I didn’t want you there."

"I know." Alex breathed uneasily. "But you know I would have still been there, now matter what, yeah?"

Eliza nodded again, her fingers twitching as they rested on her knees.

Silence hung between them for a moment too long before Alex spoke.

"You are the love of my life." His eyes fixed onto Eliza's, the pain bold and burning. 

"Are?" Eliza whispered.

"I could never get over you El, even if I wanted to." Alex smiled slightly, scratching at the stubble gathering under his jaw. 

Eliza smiled too, pushing herself up off of the floor.

Alex watched her anxiously, his mouth suddenly dry.

Eliza held out her hand, gesturing for Alex to shake it. He complied, warily.

"I'm Eliza." She smiled widely, although a little false. "Pleased to meet you."

"Alex." He stood up awkwardly. "Are we…going to start again?"

"Please." Eliza nodded, leaning in slowly and cupping his face. "If you'll have me?"

Alex groaned in response, bridging the gap between them and allowing their lips to meet.

Soft and simple.


End file.
